Actually there was a part I remmebered, it had to do with feeling the joy of hope and believing in your faith, these are the things that make you whole. Faith in th eLord, in your family and your committenment to all things you feel the most strong about
^^^^^^ Well there's your sign ^^^^^^
And sometimes, you need to quit talking (asking) so much so you can actually hear Him.
LD - Anger will come and go and is not only normal but healthy as long as you don't let it consume you. Internalizing your anger results in depression and passive aggressive behavior. It is O.K. to feel anger...you have a right to be angry. Just use that anger as fuel to do something productive. I still wake up angry some days. Angry at the loss of my marriage, the betrayal, the lies, the financial impact etc etc. I also realize that my ExW is going through her own hell and she didn't ask for it. She can't control her behavior anymore than I can. So temper that anger with some compassion and detach from her. Doesn't mean you don't love her..it only means that you are the strong one and will continue on with your life with strength, dignity, understanding and compassion. You also will not be run over and used as a door mat.
Sadness? that will come and go too. I still shed tears on occasion over what has happened. It is good to really feel thoses feelings. Men who don't, turn into alcoholics, have premature health problems, beat their wives, and generally screw up their lives and all of the peoples lives around them.
So go ahead and feel those feelings. Have a good cry. Get pissed off and use that energy at the gym or paint the house or whatever. The emotions become less intense with time. Come here and vent.....
You're going to come out of this stronger, wiser and with more compassion and understanding than you ever believed possible.
Remember that your W didn't plan this or ask for this and she isn't doing this to purposefully hurt you. She can't help herself anymore than you can help her.
You're doing everything you can. Nobody can ask any more of you. This truly isn't about you or the marriage. If it were she'd be right there with you working on the problems.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
AmyC, that is just what my mother told me. If I it back and look, I am getting the answers to my questions. My W asked her firend (confidant) why I wouldn't even talk to her on thanksgiving. Her friend told her point blank, because your screwing someone else. Nuff said. What I find interesting is she is starting to ask "Why" questions about my behavior. Her friend called me last night very concerned about the situation with my D. She lied to me and to her mother and i caught her and went and got her. My W attitude was to sit and watch the football game with OM. She had a whatever attitude going. Her friend said this is so not her, it is upsetting. The fact that she didn't seem to really care what my daughter was doing and that something was going on. Then to call me from his phone and ask me"Did you get her? Is everything OK? What's her problem?" told her I took care of it and ended the phone call.
T'Gone, I am controlling my anger today. Did not sleep at all last night because of the rage I felt. The detachment definitely hurts and its much easier to slip back, but I know I can't now. I have tossed her to the wind, if she comes back, she comes back, if not, then 31 years of my life is over with her. Her friends say she is worse, after last nights episode, her best friend now tells me she doesn't know her anymore. Welcome to the club.
My D is definitely doing things for attention now, to see who is watchin her. I know, I did the same things as a kid. We talked and I told her I understand her pain and confusion and resentment. I think I have been driving her too hard, just like myself. I am on her about her room, keeping the house clean, arguing about school and lately not just sitting and talking like we were.
I need to remember she is a kid, and i need to spend time with her, just her, no one else. Might take her into Boston this weekend and walk around. I'm sure she'd like that.
I was torn yesterday because I didn't want to detach, I wanted to connect wioth W at all costs. I felt good being detached on thursday, then it went down hill. Caught the D in a lie, had to talk to W to confirm my suspicions and she was feeling no pain and really didn't seem to give a sh^&. But of course, she had OMs son at the b'day party with her and he was there picking them up, how sweet. D's actions and what she was doing was little to no concern of hers. D realizes this. I lay awake almost all night getting myself in check. I hate this situation but I release it all. I have to worry about my D and getting a few other things on track this week. We'll get the Xmas decorations going this week as well.
I do understand she is going through a mess right now. She is definitely lsing ground. Last night was the first time in a while I listened to someone else talk about her. Tried to get out of the conversation but her friend was upset to tears, so I had to listen, and it hurt. Here's a good question, WAWs in MLC or whatever, do their actions begin to push their friends away? It would seem she is alienating her frineds with her actions now. They don't really seem to believe anything she says and can't believe she doesn't see this as a mistake. Her friends have been going with the flow, but they have reached a crossroads that is affecting their friendship. She is obviously farther down the path than I ever thought. I am having my doubts she will ever return, but I will hold on for a bit longer....
I have a very sick feeling in my stomach right now. Thinking about her attitude towards the situation with my D last night. Can't get it out of my head, really upset me. She just didn't seem to care as long as my D said she talked to me, no follow up with me or anything, it is as if she was gne somewhere where the W couldn't see her or have to deal, she as fine. I know my D sees this. she has been trying to connect with W for the past couple of weeks. She is hurt I could see it in her face this morning.
She is 17. Just 17. It hurt like hell last night. She told me she isn't mad at me, it has nothing to do with me. I told her she could tell me anything and it would be between us. She just sat quietly. she wasn't upset that I went and got her. I acutally think she was glad I did. I think she found out where she belongs, physically and emotionally. I told her where I am at, didn't want to, but felt it would help her if she knew. I told her the best thng for me and us is to let her go completely. If she ever had any feelings for me, she would find her way back to me.
The fact that my wife brought his son to that b'day party yesterday with my D has me absolutely out of my mind. I can't imagine what it did to her. I saw her face and she was glad to see me, but definitely was upset. It will be interesting to see what the W does after last night, if she tries to talk to D or if she hides. My D and W cell phones are off, W didn't pay the bill. So now she would have to call my D and acutlaly talk to her rather than Text or IM. I don't think she'll do it.
I think my D was really reaching out to her, to connect again, and I think she got shot down in her mind. Her face was so hurt last night it made me cry. I told her she has me, I will always be there for her, I will never put anything ahead of her. It's all I could say.
Exactly my stand on this. I do not bad mouth my W at all. My D17 does though and I always tell her not to. I know I can' protect her and I am fairly certain that whatever is eating at her has to do with her mom and she doesn't want to tell me.
I am feeling that she is feeling left out. I spend so much time dealing with myself that sometimes I forget about her. I am going to take her into town saturday for the day. Just walk around, check out the Xmas stuff have lunch. She's never really done that and I know boston like the backof my hand. It will be a surprise for her, just us.
My brother just asked me where I am with regard to my W. I said I am in another level, scared to be here and happy to be here. I do not get upset by her, although the thoughts of her and OM do piss me off (sorry for the language). But in general I have more pity than anything and I am in a place that is not so quick to say I will take her back. Its sad to say that, but it is where I am.
. Here's a good question, WAWs in MLC or whatever, do their actions begin to push their friends away? It would seem she is alienating her frineds with her actions now. They don't really seem to believe anything she says and can't believe she doesn't see this as a mistake. Her friends have been going with the flow, but they have reached a crossroads that is affecting their friendship.
With my WAW this is exactly the case. Seing that her friends were also my friends, probably played a role in that. BUT, even more so, was since OM was new and exciting, so are all his friends and they don't pay attention to the fact of the lives left behind so she can have her moments of fun.
When I talk with 'our' friends now, they don't know her either, and none of them get the same story on any subject.
I will say, watch what you say to whom carefully, if say anything at all, some freinds end up relaying things or amoungst other friends and by the time it gets back to the W, it could be blown all to hell out of proportion.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Oh, I have been warned about who I talk to and waht i say. So I say nothing about my sitch or her. With regard to OMs friends, he doesn't have any. Her alienation is she is bringing him around and her friends don't like him. She is talking ragtime toher friend and her attitude towards things, such as my Ds issue last night floored her best friend.
She is acting like she doesn't think she has done anything wrong and doesn't know why no one can accept this. Now one of her friends thinks she had a nervous breakdown already. I don't think so, but it probably isn't far off.
Yeah, same with her, depending on who you talk to, time of day and the rotation of the moon determines what spin on any topic she gives. Her friends think she is spinning faster and faster out of control. Another friend thinks she's fine, totally in control of her emotions. She's baked. She is getting her best friend to the point where I think it is coming to a head. I believe her friend is going tohave it out with herand spell out the obvious. All see is her losing a friend. She left her family, she would have no problem walking from her friend. Her support group is failing. I am no longer her safety net, her best friend is not really listening anymore and the OM, well, he's a POS.
