Giving up when not sure if it's WAW, MLC or both?

[AlexEN]

Stuck/Lonely,

Sorry to come across as in panic mode; I'm really not. I'm fact-gathering from those who've had success, so I don't keep f'ing up. I'm just trying to get straight in my mind if there's an approach (whatever that means) that will increase the likelihood of her coming out of her fog/MLC/alien-invaded state before it's too late. I AM as concerned for her (because she is f'd up) as I am for the kids' sake. I'm (finally) at the point where I can be detached and not pursue without taking the rejection personally. If she leaves tomorrow, she's messing with the kids' lives more than mine and I would resent that more than anything else that's happened in this entire ordeal. I'm finally at the point where I don't know if I want her in my life -- in fact, I don't unless she does some real work on herself at some point. It's truly sad, because when life doesn't turn out the way she wants it, she blames. I guess my point is this; I believe she should work on it IF only for the kids sake (I can't say that to her because it is perceived as "threatening her"; don't ask, the logic is convoluted) and then I need to see that she has changed her spots before I will know I WANT it to work, too. I'm happy to detach, continue GALing, spending quality time with my kids without it beating me up anymore.

I just had this exchange on sang-froid's thread as it kind of describes where my head is now:

"ColdBlood,

(I don't know how much longer that I can continue to be nice to her. I'm seriously considering the LRT and going very "dim." Mainly because I don't know if I can be around someone who does not have the strength to keep the family intact; the insight to understand that the grass is not greener, that divorce is not the answer to her problems.)

You are so much more succint than I am, but, after a year on this roller-coaster, what you just described in one sentence is what makes my "sang" boil most right now... She has the strength to pursue other things (she now wants to go back to graduate school, but neither the DECENCY nor STRENGTH to look at any of those things. It's incredible that the fog completely crowds out a conscience (when lying becomes second nature). That's why I think she is not herself, because no one would knowingly want to be a "liar", or maybe that's complete naivete on my part..."

-AlexEN

-AlexEN