Here is a question for those of you further down the path:
I understand the idea that the more I detach, the less my mood will be affected by H's action/inaction, words/silence, etc. I also understand that the more I GAL, the less time I will have to sit around wondering what the heck he is or is not doing, why he is or is not doing it, etc. However, I promise you that no matter how busy and fulfilled I get, so long as I continue to want my H and want to rebuild/reconcile or build a new R with him, I will continue to wonder about all of the above.
The DR book says try things, if they work keep them up if they don't try something else. It says to do small things and look for small changes, noticeable in one to two weeks. My question is how do you know, after the first result if the thing is still working?
For example, the LRT sparked a few emails and one lunch invitation. But now I have not heard from H for over two weeks. This is the longest we have gone since I started DBing. So is this "working" or not? No big deal, I can "try something new," say, send a non-pressuring email asking for some practical thing and see if that sparks a response.
My question is really, in the larger sheme of things, how do you know whether any of this is working? H left four months ago and I now know that in most cases four months is really not long enough to know anything, yet, in some cases it has been. I have seen quick turnaround in relationships on this board.
I realize I am not being very articulate. I guess I am asking for something to make me hopeful again. Right now, I am feeling like I have done all I can do and nothing seems to be improving and I am feeling frustrated.
