Okay...so here's my quick response to the Christmas question - if you go - do it for you and your son - NOT for her to see anything about you. If you go in there wanting/thinking about her being witness to your self-improvements - you will be reattaching yourself - and you cannot do that.
I'm glad that you plan on talking with her about what is best for your son. Hopefully it will be a productive conversation - and it won't lapse into R/M talk - which could all too easily happen...so stay aware of avoiding that trap.
I know it's hard - but stop obsessing over the OM - whether he's in or out of her life right now just doesn't matter - because you are working on you, remember? Not her. Put that energy and focus into you and your son.
It is a tough ride - hell - it's the worst ride imaginable - but like any other ride, there comes a point when it ends...and then you look back and see where you've been - but you don't try to carry the car with you on your back...It's like that Buddhist parable of the raft used to cross the river...once across, you don't carry the raft with you...you walk the path...
Stay strong, peng you. Yi lu ping an! (I know it's about a journey...but let's just keep that metaphor going a bit longer...) -Carlos.
