You said.. "I'm not yet in a place of feeling too optimistic about the future--almost like I am more fearful of it than looking forward to it. Presently, it still feels like a future without my W. rather than a future of opportunities."
and I wanted you to know that that is exactly how I feel too! So you are not alone in that. And you are normal to feel that way still, whatever normal is.. so I dont know if you have people in RL who 'get' that you are still in that place, but its understandable that you are.
Also, re the empty feeling after something good happens.. yes, same here.. I get that too, or bad things.. like when my favourite 4 year old fish died.. silly I know, but it hurt me to not be able to pick up the phone and tell him. I got back from my weekend away and had that sinking feeling in the gut, nearing the house.. because he isnt there to greet me like he was so many times over a 9 year stretch whenever I went away to visit friends/family wothout him. Its not as vivid.. as he has been gone over a year.. but I still get it, yes, same as you.
Well done for dating though.. wow, I am seriously impressed! Its not surprising its hard and again, perhaps reinforces that empty feeling in a way? It wouldnt if you fell for someone of course. I bet your W would be envious and question what she had done if she saw you about town with a new lady on your arm and a big smile on your face. Same for all us LBS maybe!? We can but dream!
Keep posting, we are all in the same boat (single, missing our S)
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
