TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers

[Laurie]

Dear Tipper,
As I am catching up on your recent relationship situation, can I make an assumption about what one goal you might have right now (based on your feedback to me a few weeks ago)?

Goal - (combining 2 & 3): To have H spend more time with me these next few weeks and less time at the bar. (In other words, act as if he really has heard you!)

How to achieve this goal -

1. Recover from our blow up and restore calm and a civil relationship. (My guess you have already done this, right?)

2. Act according to your stated needs.
Tipper, you told him you are very lonely and want him to spend more time with you. And you said you thought he heard you and then said "I guess we will see". So, what are you going to do differently now that you've laid it on the table?

Whatever behavior you have shown lately, it has gotten you mixed results from what you've shared. In fact, lately it has gotten worse. Now, you've laid it on the line. I don't know all you had told him, but if you want your H to take you seriously, then I would ask you to consider acting consistent to the words you have spoken.

For instance (I am being hypothetical here), if you have told him you can't handle not knowing if he will show up when the 2 of you have made plans, then I strongly encourage you to do something different about those nights you have made plans. If you normally just wait for him by the phone, then change that. Go out yourself, don't answer the phone, take a bath, etc. Or, make plans differently - let him know you'd love to see him, but by 5PM, if you'd don't hear from him, then you will make other plans. Just some ideas.....

My point is that words have very little impact if we do not follow through. On the other hand, those words have a lot more impact if you back them up with action. Does that help? I hope it gives you encouragement to think about what you've said and to make changes in your behavior that will speak more clearly and powerfully to help your R.

Take care,