Wanted to chime in if I could. I am going through this with my W, who is also with OM. Validation is huge with her, trying to convince herself that everything she is doing and has done is justifiable. It isn't, but you cannot argue anything with them. I am a troubleshooter by trade and trust me I tried. Sandi and a fe others have given me great advice and I have found out how to watch. Yes my W puts on the happy face. I have friends that are cklose to her, family that she sees occassionally and not one persn has said she is happy. Her act is a disguise. therapist told me that if she believes hard enough she will be happy in her mind. That is a load of crap. what I hope my W validates is that her happiness is right where she left it, with me and our kids. I have turned the corner on many levels and have really let go recently. It is hard, it is extremely hard to do, but once it is doen, you cannot go back. I understadn her emoions and I understand she is not in controlof anything. I have learned control and have learned to function independent of her. She has no responsiblities, has her weekend boyfriend and has recently started alienating her friends with her actions. I have been warned that her crash is coming, and I will only consider taking her back when she hits the bottom and relaizes what everyone else knows. Until then, I watch her try and justify her actions, like the Captain of the Titanic telling himself, its not that bad of a hole.
