Maybe I should be in piecing part 4?

[Hope4us]

Sandi, I wanted to comment about the family situation. I don't share everything with my mom (dad passed almost 6 years ago). What I mean by saying I feel like I'm lying by omission around my mom is that my mom has treated W like a daughter since we've been married. Mom had all boys so her DIL's are like the daughters she's never had. And W used to go see my mom with me on a regular basis. But W hasn't been to my mom's since July 4, 2007. And everytime we would go, my mom would ask "Where's W"?

So I would have to lie. "Oh, she wanted to go shopping today". "Oh, she didn't want to make the drive", etc. You yourself said you didn't want your family to know what had happened. So if I said to my mom "We're having problems and W doesn't want to be around you guys", then it would crush my mom. And she'd ask "what happened" and there is no way I would lie to her about that. She'd be able to see right through me. So I would just make up one of those excuses and change the subject. And that might work for a few months, but 16 months? Including Christmas?

Again, I really appreciate your comments Sandi. They are extremely helpful in trying to get into my W's head. And maybe this is a reason our marriage won't make it, but if W was so worried about what other people would say or think, she should have thought of that before laying on her back the first time.

One other interesting comment W made a couple weeks ago that I think reinforces what you're saying about her caring so much about what people think of her. We were discussing this one guy she works with transferring to a different state. This guy also happens to be one of the guys that OM hung around with when he was here. W said at his going away party at work she wanted to give him a hug but was worried that another lady she works with would spread rumors that she was having an affair with him because this other lady thinks it's inappropriate to give hugs to men that aren't your spouse. So I wonder if this lady has made some comments prior to this about W and OM and that's why she was so worried about giving this other guy a hug?

Ok, rambled enough. Thanks for the comments.