Maybe I should be in piecing part 4?

[Hope4us]

Thanks WDID. I'm learning about the moods. Good golly, I'm 47 years old, you'd think I'd learn by now.

W also has thyroid issues. She had her thyroid checked when she was younger and I'm not sure of the results of the test, but they ended up not doing anything. I know her mom takes medication for her thyroid, so yes, it would be a good thing for W to get that all checked out, but again, she won't do anything I suggest.

Case in point. While we were in Gatlinburg a weekend ago, W was putting on her jacket and had this painful look on her face. She's been having problems with her left shoulder. And it's not getting any better. I told her she needs to go to the Dr and get it checked out. She said "why". I replied that obviously there's something wrong when you can't even put on a jacket without it hurting to a point that you make faces and she said "it's fine". Well, that started a back and forth with me saying she should get it checked out and her saying "it's fine". So finally I said, "ok, I'll just call the Dr myself and make you an appointment" and she said in a very stern voice "I can take care of myself"!

So once again, this just shows how she is with anyone trying to help her in any way. It's like if she does let someone do something for her, then she isn't independent and can't take care of herself. And THAT is what I think could be a major problem in us getting through this. For her to come back to the marriage it would take her admitting that she didn't have IT all together when she took up with OM. That she made a wrong decision. And for her to admit that would destroy this wall she's got up around herself. So how do I keep going on trying when she still refuses to come to grips with her own contribution to what went on when to admit that would be letting that wall down and admitting that she does need someone (me)?

I know I've said this before, but I sometimes think it's going to take some drastic measure on my part before she even gives us a chance. And even then, she might just keep that wall up because it's easier for her to start over than to admit she needs anyone.