Busy Thanksgiving weekend. Spent time with my family and it was the first family event that I felt married and happy again. My parents commented on how my H seemed happier than he has ever been as well as myself.
Cut our Christmas tree down, decorated it, decorated the house, H put up tons of white lights outside, candles in the windows....very Christmasy! The last few Christmases, did "just enough" for our son....heart wasn't in it.
Only bad time was when all family was together and brother made comment about his friend's wife having an affair and now they are divorced and another friend same thing. Mom says, "Boy, lots of cheating spouses!!!" I think to myself, "If you only knew your daughter and sister is one of those cheating spouses."
Talked to Mom on the phone and at one point this weekend, and we talk about my cousin and their impending divorce and I say how that could have been us and she says, "Thank goodness you both hadn't found someone else during that separation time otherwise I'm not sure you would have made it." I think to myself, "If you only knew."
Constant reminders......Will and Grace repeats on TV and how Grace's husband cheats on her. We watch, my H and I, H rubbing my feet. Nothing said.
I need to forgive myself, yet how can I do this with the constant reminders that make me feel ashamed? I think about how some wives seem to act like it never happened...maybe this is why...it's the only way to forgive and move on??????
