I am so sorry you are going through this. I know that it hurts and it is hard.
I used to feel envious of the folks here whose WAS were still in the house but now I know better. I remember what it was like when mine was here but withdrawn.
Just keep moving forward. That's all any of us can do.
Just realized that my D7 and I are getting used to W not being around...even when she is in the house.
Maybe that is b/c you are not as focused 24/7 on her as you were and are forcing yourself to stay busy and get a life, etc. That is why detaching is self preservation.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just checking...know I might get a 2X4 but wanted to see what the thoughts are...
W and D7 went to the park without me. I went to the gym and met someone...it sure felt good to talk to a female other than my wife. I guess GAL does not include the other sex yet?...thoughts?
It sure helps for a while to not worry about the W...there is another world out there.
It is perfectly normal for it to feel good. Your ego has been badly beaten by your W so this was soothing for it. However, you are very vulnerable and could rebound like nobody's business. Be very careful my friend and don't end up discussing your problems about your homelife with some OW or you'll end up in an EA yourself. It is so easily done, and that is why we can't let our guard down. But don't feel guilty for the fact that it felt good for another woman to notice you. Oh, and don't say anything about it to W....and I am not saying to start keeping secrets, lying and that whole route! But, if you were to say something, she would see it as you trying to make her jealous. Since it was innoncent and just meeting up at the gym.....seems fine, but don't start going for a cup of coffee together b/c I promise, that is all it would take.....and no emails and TM's. Keep your friendships with men only or where your wife is always included when you are with another female friend.
Some time back, I was posting to a man that had been through what you have, and a woman was attracted to him. He did not take it serious and thought it was "nice" that somebody of the opposite sex noticed him. But, I had a feeling from my gut that said she was trouble. I started out warning him, just as I am you, and I told him that if she ever invited him to go anywhere for a drink or something else that "sounded innoncent" or if she ever sent an email or asked for his phone number......those are red flages. Never give her a number or email and never ask for hers. Sure enough, that woman was looking for her own OM and he was adding to his problems at home b/c he did not take my advice and things got worse.
It is lonely, where you have been, but keep it very clean and you won't be sorry. In fact, I would be so careful that I would kind of advoid another chance meeting. That will be hard, but after all, you don't want to get your own "addiction" going. Watch for the flags. If she asks anything, just tell her you are a M man and don't believe in making friendships that doesn't include your wife or talking about your personal problems (and I hope you didn't)tell her anything. Don't fall for female "tricks" when they pretend that they just want to be your friend and she could be unhappily M herself.....what a disaster waiting to happen. So, this was okay.....just watch out if there is a second time...okay? We want to take care of you here and I am glad you asked about it. However, I think you must feel a tinge of guilt to mention it...lol. I gave more than you wanted to hear, but as I said, trying to take care of ya.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi and Wdid, I hear you both, thanks. It was innocent but one of those meetings that you know have "possibilities." I still wear my ring and know the danger. Going through this is like a minefield. I won't slip.
W is going out of her way to make dinner each night, bake cookies, etc. I almost told her tonight that I thought she was trying to fatten me up. She told me she is going to try and move out. She will need to get a job and support herself, drop her business, etc. For some reason I don't think she has it in her to do it. I think she is cooking to stay around.
She took her wedding ring off again and it has stayed off. I have not said anything.
When she tells you her foggy decisions, what do you say? I would suggest very short statements such as, "I love you, you are my wife, the mother of our child, and I take that all very seriously. It is worth going to counseling, retrovaille, etc. before making such a decision that will affect our family the rest of our lives."
SHe is either in contact or in major withdrawal. If it is just withdrawal, if you can get her to stay as she goes through it, it will lessen. She didn't give a "no contact" letter to the OM so it makes withdrawal even harder....she still has that hanging in her mind.
The on and off ring thing......she is still undecided....Or, more worried about what others think so puts it on at particular times.
Wdid, I have asked her to go to counseling and to give our marriage a chance. She has never said she would re-consider. The only way she would see a counselor was if it would improve the communication problems with me so we can care for our daughter better. She missed the appointment last week and gave a weak excuse.
I'm sure she is in contact with OM. She clears the text messages on her phone and goes to work to get her email. She is not going out at night, but may be seeing him during the day for short periods of time. She still maintains that the OM is only an EA. She is afraid that I will talk if I find out it is a PA.
