I don't know where we are today. We had a bit of an ugly one yesterday, he was being grumpy with S6 and I called him on it once S left the room, told H if he was that miserable in the house get the he!! out rather than take it out on S6.
He said that S6 had been screwing around the whole dinner time (true) and that I let him do all the disciplining (true) and he really wanted me to back him up/help him out. He was tired of being the bad guy all the time. I told him I thought we had split that up and when I 'had' the kids I was the "bad guy" but when he was there he was the bad guy. I said if we are a team then I know what to do but since you don't want to be a team anymore I am not sure how we do this stuff anymore...he again said how nothing ever changes.
I had had it at that point with 'nothing ever changes'. I rattled off five/six things I had changed in the past 6 months. Then I point-blank asked H, "What have you changed for me in the past year? What have you done differently to please me?"
He looked at me and said, "Nothing". I said, "Exactly. And I am bending over backward trying to please you and make you happy. And you aren't doing any of the things I want from you. Yet you are the angry one...when we get married, it is for better or worse, till death do us part, we don't quit b/c we don't have everything we want..."
At that point S came back upstairs so we quit, but agreed that we would talk about "things" after the kids were in bed, to finally sort this out and make it happen.
After I got D in bed (she is harder to put to bed than S) I came out on the couch. Return of the Jedi was on, it has been star wars week at our house. Anyway I lay down on the couch and H says "F&%k!" I said, "What." H says he left his laptop in his truck at his parents and he has to go get it.
I said, "OK, go get it, we will talk when you get back then?"
He says, "Well, ok, fine then" like he was surprised I mentioned it.
I said, "I really cannot believe we are getting a divorce over me being annoying. Is that what you will tell your friends? I divorced BBJ b/c she annoyed me?"
H said, "That's not it........" I can't remember the rest b/c I was so tired but he acted sad about everything as usual.
H came home, I was asleep but I heard him come in then I went back to sleep. A couple minutes later (I think) he came to the couch and tapped me. Put his hand out to me, pulled me up off the couch. I said, "You should have woken me up" He said, "I did, and now you are going to bed", he lifted me up to standing and I was inches from him. He leaned toward me and I just put my body against him and leaned on him. He put his chin down on the top of my head and rubbed my back.
I said, "I hate this" He said, "I know" I said, "This is not what I want" He said, "I know". Then I pulled back, said goodnight, and went to sleep.........
