AmyC, that is just what my mother told me. If I it back and look, I am getting the answers to my questions. My W asked her firend (confidant) why I wouldn't even talk to her on thanksgiving. Her friend told her point blank, because your screwing someone else. Nuff said. What I find interesting is she is starting to ask "Why" questions about my behavior. Her friend called me last night very concerned about the situation with my D. She lied to me and to her mother and i caught her and went and got her. My W attitude was to sit and watch the football game with OM. She had a whatever attitude going. Her friend said this is so not her, it is upsetting. The fact that she didn't seem to really care what my daughter was doing and that something was going on. Then to call me from his phone and ask me"Did you get her? Is everything OK? What's her problem?" told her I took care of it and ended the phone call.
T'Gone, I am controlling my anger today. Did not sleep at all last night because of the rage I felt. The detachment definitely hurts and its much easier to slip back, but I know I can't now. I have tossed her to the wind, if she comes back, she comes back, if not, then 31 years of my life is over with her. Her friends say she is worse, after last nights episode, her best friend now tells me she doesn't know her anymore. Welcome to the club.
My D is definitely doing things for attention now, to see who is watchin her. I know, I did the same things as a kid. We talked and I told her I understand her pain and confusion and resentment. I think I have been driving her too hard, just like myself. I am on her about her room, keeping the house clean, arguing about school and lately not just sitting and talking like we were.
I need to remember she is a kid, and i need to spend time with her, just her, no one else. Might take her into Boston this weekend and walk around. I'm sure she'd like that.
I was torn yesterday because I didn't want to detach, I wanted to connect wioth W at all costs. I felt good being detached on thursday, then it went down hill. Caught the D in a lie, had to talk to W to confirm my suspicions and she was feeling no pain and really didn't seem to give a sh^&. But of course, she had OMs son at the b'day party with her and he was there picking them up, how sweet. D's actions and what she was doing was little to no concern of hers. D realizes this. I lay awake almost all night getting myself in check. I hate this situation but I release it all. I have to worry about my D and getting a few other things on track this week. We'll get the Xmas decorations going this week as well.
I do understand she is going through a mess right now. She is definitely lsing ground. Last night was the first time in a while I listened to someone else talk about her. Tried to get out of the conversation but her friend was upset to tears, so I had to listen, and it hurt. Here's a good question, WAWs in MLC or whatever, do their actions begin to push their friends away? It would seem she is alienating her frineds with her actions now. They don't really seem to believe anything she says and can't believe she doesn't see this as a mistake. Her friends have been going with the flow, but they have reached a crossroads that is affecting their friendship. She is obviously farther down the path than I ever thought. I am having my doubts she will ever return, but I will hold on for a bit longer....
