God grant me the patience and the strength...9

[theotherhalf]

Thursday was depressing. I spent the day with my family. It was okay, but as usual no matter where I go, what I do, who I am with, something is missing...

In the evening I went to H's family. It was okay but again, doesn't feel right. H was in kind of a mood, I just avoided him mostly.

I am thankful for my kids and my health, there isn't much more than that these days.

Friday rolled around I had to work. The day was long and boring. I got home and H and BIL were over at the other place hauling manure. They worked till almost dark. They then came and were here for just a little bit. Then left for town. I was crushed. Can't help it. Here I sit with no money. I am on probation so I am limited at what I can do and where I can go. I have no one. And H continues to go and do whatever he wants, wherever he wants, etc...and the cycle continues. He SAYS he's trying to figure out what he wants. Then he goes and drinks and plays etc. It's been a long time since I've said anything to him, and I couldn't hold it any longer. I called him and told him we needed to talk. He said he'd call me later.

I said many things. (I waisted my breath) He talked some. I think we were both honest with each other. I spent the night at his place. He slept on the couch I in his bed. He came out to farm Saturday. Spent most of the day here. Then home to his place. Later in the evening he called and asked me if him and BIL could come out. They did. They spent the night. H on the couch me in my bed. He stayed all day and night yesterday and to work this morning.

We'll see...