Just read your answer and I know what you say is right. To do dbing I must
1. NO R TALK 2. Appear happy with everything 3. contact only when necessary 4. Get out there and get a life. Become myself again. I am generally the life and soul of whereever i am.
My condition at the moment is both frightening and strange for every person i know. I am soooooooo different.
I know, I am just in such a mess. Believe me when i tell you, that this kind of behaviour from either of us is so out of character.
Hindsight is 20/20 and i see him withdrawing now since June/ July.
I went dark i suppose for 3 weeks , them had meltdown and am now back to taking his S#$%. i do not ring him unless i have to , but I do go into work occasionally. He does still talk about our relationship, but he also says he is going to her xmas party on Friday.
I am loosing weight so fast and am heading towards thin. My business is so busy , yet I struggle to function. My daughter 18 went out Saturday night and got soooooo drunk she threw up. i did not feed her dinner before she went out. I am in amess.
Tommorr0w I am going to doctors for anti depressants in order to get through holiday season. The sleeping tablets and lack of food are making it hard for me to function.
I do feel a little better sometimes and have little bursts of thoughts such as ...he can go to h&*( etc etc. I feel better with those thoughts.
I know i have to harden up and I know that time will be a great healer. I also know when i get to that place H will stop and look back. i question my fear and I think it is , that I am frightened i have made the biggest mistake of my life and thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me.
D18 does not want xmas this year. D16 and S20 are not bothered. Of course I will have to have it and will put the tree up this weekend which is a week late. But before xmas day we will leave for our holiday home without H. It is what the kids have asked to do. My parents brother and niece will come with us and not leave me until I am ready. I have yet to tell H and dread the conversation. I would hate not to have xmas without kids . Right now as i try to pull myself out of this slump , i will do just what they ask. There will be many more xmas for them and they will be ok with there dad by next.
