Mixed Signals or Just My Imagination ?

[native]

We went Christmas shopping with her cousin. W inadertantly called me honey, didn't take it back.

This is strange bc when I called her honey about a month ago, (during her angry 'I don't have any $$$' stage) she told me absolutely ' I am NOT your honey !!!'

She also told me about the evening she spend with her married longtime friend and how she (my W) drank way too much. Friend told her she would not stop when she (her friend) tried to tell her she was having too much.

I was rather tight-lipped about this b/c this seems to be a pattern for her. When she drinks, which is infrequent, she ends up drinking way too much. Probobly happens only once a year, but it is messy. This year it has happened at least twice.

She later called me and wondered if she should have told me about it. I guess she was afraid I might use it against her to get custody if it came down to it.

I just told her I was concerned and we talked about possible reasons she might feel the need to keep drinking.

I talked about how she continually carried stress and tension and that without a regular, healthy release of this stress it could easily lead to going too far. Suggested we make arrangements for her to get back to her water aerobics, which she had apparantly given up b/c of our childcare arrangement, unbeknowenst to me.

Of course, this is another example of how she allows herself to feel passivly controlled when all she had to do was to speak up and propose a different schedule. In fact, she herself came up with this schedule, but it almost is as if she blames it for the fact she can't do water aerobics now. And her mom spent over $500 to get her the damn membership.

I don't know if she is an alcoholic. Friends of mine who are recovering say it isn't a matter of frequency, it is a matter of self control.

On a side note, I told her I had been downtown across the street from the place she was at for a while. I had mentioned it in passing. She asked if I had gone out alone, to which I repied, no, I wasn't alone. There was a pause....then she asked if I had gone out with my divorced buddy T, and I said yes. But for just a few moments I could sense a little bit of nervousness on her part, that I might have been out on a date.

On that topic, I am counting the days. If she doesn't come out of the fog by Aug 09, and she sends me papers, I will start may dating life.

Makes me sad, but if she doesn't value what I bring to the table, what can I do ?