But Frank, sometimes things have to be torn completely down before something new can be built. There are lessons your wife never learned. Just like the ones I never learned. THIS is what I comprehend about your wife that you do not. THIS is the aspect of her journey that I respect and you do not. No amount of sucking it up for the good of the family will change that which SHE DOES NOT KNOW. She had to go. Whether or not she grasps the lessons that she is already being taught is solely dependent upon her willingness to consider that she doesn't know one damn thing about life and love. Nobody knows what she will do. Or how she will change.
Just to be clear Amy, I understand what you are saying. This isn't an 'MLC', this is something that has been building up for years. I needed her to be strong, she didn't know how to be 'strong'. She only knew what she had learned as a child.
I understand. It hurts but I do understand.
I hope she learns the 'lesson'. as for me, I need to withdraw some so I can get my own lessons to 'stick'.
I don't intend to be mean or angry. I just need a break. I don't know if she will ever learn the lesson, but I do know that the day I first met her I understood that this would eventually happen. I'm not saying that I was supposed to 'wait for her' to grow up. Just that I knew if we had difficulties that she wouldn't be there. Just like everyone else in my family wouldn't be there.
I'm backing away from her for now.
I spoke to D13 tonight about decorating the house. She said "Mom kind of inserted herself into the decorating but I don't think she should. She doesn't live here and it's our house. You should only decorate if you live here"
She was tearful and angry.
I asked her what she wanted to do and she said that D17 and D17's BF and D13 and I should decorate.
I asked D17 what she thought and she said she didn't really care as 'decorating for holidays' was moms 'thing'.
Which is true. W was the one who was into decorating the house. As always, I was happy to let her do whatever she wanted.
