For the Guy with Kids and a WW Vinte (20)

[hopeful4her]

I am so stupid. I can't DB worth a damn. I'll get to that.

Went to church this morning. Before I left, the wife called me to ask me to bring D7's Converse. She wanted to wear them today.

Now, I know that D7 has NOT been wearing them because she says that they hurt her toes, so I know it was not at D7's request. She has refused to wear them.

Today's sermon was about not giving up hope, no matter what your situation. And here I was TRYING to give up.

Afterwards, I go to the apartment, but her car is not there. I start to call her and see a missed call from S14. I still had my phone on vibrate. I call him and they had gone to leave off his friend and coming back already. We go inside when they arrive and see that they are still not packed. I ask the wife if she wants me to bring them back after our dinner and she can just drop them off at home later. She says that she is still washing clothes and that they can pack when I bring back S14.

"If I'm not here, they can pack their stuff. They have a key."
The way she said it was as if she was trying to make sure that I knew she was not going to be sitting around waiting. She was going to go do something. Her hair was straightend and she was dressed pretty nicely.

We left and had a good time at my parents. My exSIL dropped of her kids. One is 15 and the other is 20 and pregnant. They are my brothers step kids, but they are part of the family, considering they have been around for about 10 years. My brother showed up later, but couldn't stay long. He and his ex had a very good friend pass away on Friday, so he was going to go to that right after dinner and he was going to take the kids. We stay for a few hours and then get going.

At the apartment, the wife was there. She was dressed in sweat pants, but the same top. She starts to talk to the girls and she shows them two Nintendo DS's that A left behind for them. She let A store some things in her garage when she left. I'm waiting for them to get over the excitement of the games and then they have to go look for the charger.

The rest of the night just kind of kept hanging and hanging. We all went out to the garage and they looked for the stuff. Then we go through some storage boxes that had some winter type clothes for the kids. Then back in the apartment, I ask the wife if she wants the leftovers that my mom packed for us, since she didn't take any home the other day. She says sure. Bringing the food in leads us to talking about the food and making fun of my sisters cooking. Then the wife starts to show me all the food that the neighbor had leave with her. She starts to ask me if I want this and that and the next thing I know, we are filling 3 or 4 bags with dry goods, frozen stuff and 3 bottles of juices. At one point, we were both sitting on the floor looking at the stuff.

Then trying to leave, D7 tells us how hungry she is. I'm surprised considering how much she ate at my moms. The wife offers to make them a quick taco of fajita's and I say ok. Then D11 is hungry. The wife start to talk about our dinner today and who was there. I tell her and we are still talking. I'm also talking to S14, because he is trying out for Soccer at the High School tomorrow. Later in the bedroom, I hear S14 asking what she did today. She got gas, she intended to return some library books, but didn't get to. A couple other things and then did a ton of laundry.

The wife and I are talking about different stuff. The kids behavior, the neighbor that moved and her kid. She asks me if I'm hungry and I decline politely. She offers something to drink, which I accept. She sits at the dining table with D7 and she then offers me an orange. Little ones that I have seen at the grocery store, but only come in a box. Costs like $8 bucks. She says how good they are and I tell her that I've seen them, but didnt' want to pay so much for them.

I was doing my digging, since she keeps saying how broke she is.

She says, "I didn't pay for them. The government did."

I look confused and then ask if she got approved for assistance. She says no. A let her use HER food stamp card before she left. She just got it and was moving to Cali so she let the wife use it.

I talk about me cooking the steaks yesterday and she says that I could have brought them. I ask when, and she says, "Before you went to church" with a smile.

We start to talk about ex SIL and that she didn't stop to tell me hello. I was outside and it was like she pushed the kids out the door. I comment that I didn't give a sh*t anyway. She says how she hasn't spoken to her in a couple months now. She invited her to D7's B'day, but got no response and how she is not talking to my bud's wife either. The one that kept the kids. I comment to her that they are not people she should rely on anyway. She comments how she doesn't rely on them for anything.

"I don't rely on ANYONE. I've learned that no one is going to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself", she sounded disappointed.

I just let it go. Then we talk about our schedule for the week. I let her know that I may need her to pick up D7 one of these nights because I should have another call night this week. Then I start to talk to D7 about grandma's and how fun it was today. I remind her that she was going to spend the night on Friday at grandma's. The wife looks at me and asks me if I have to work on Saturday. I just say, "No". She looks a little surprised at my answer. She says how she has to work this Saturday.

Finally, the kids finish eating, I'm trying to get things going and then it just comes out.

"Do you want to come eat with us tomorrow night?"
"Why? What are you having?"
"The steaks I cooked."
S14 quickly says yes. The wife was thinking and saying, "Ummmm....." when S14 had said yes.
"Do YOU have money for gas?" she asks S14.
She sits for a moment and then says,
"You know...yeah. We'll go."

After another 15 minutes of trying to get the girls going, we leave. She tells me goodnight and I say bye. Then she reminds me of a juice bottle I left on the table. She brings it to me. I tell her goodnight and she tells me goodnight again.

We had lots more chit chat than I wrote down. We even talked about where she sleeps on the sofa.

Driving home, I'm slapping myself on the forehead. "DUMMMY!"
I was expecting her to just decline my offer. I didn't really think she would accept.

This morning at church, before the sermon started. We were all singing praise and it felt like I had an epiphany of releasing her. I kept repeating it.

"I release you. I release you. I release you."

Like I was giving up the fight and not going to worry about it anymore. Just do what felt right for me. I felt at peace. Then the sermon about keeping the hope and not giving up. It was so strange.

Am I ok with just being friends with her? Do I believe that the marriage is just flat out over? Am I the one screwing up my marriage?