Frank, what Bworl says is very good. I too am wondering what you are expecting to happen by living in this status quo condition where your W has a little of both lives.
One warning on any legal action - make sure it is what you want and try to use a mediated one if your W is reasonable.
You have stuck this out far longer that I would have. I cant say that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I hope you get some "adult" love back in your life soon. Enduring this for as long as you have surely takes something out of you. I am also sure you have learned a lot along the way.
A weird thing happened to me today - my STBXW asked for a second chance. She also stated that she will always be an angry person - sure made it easy for me to say no. I did tell her to put it behind her and move on and chalk it up as a life experience that hopefully she wont repeat. I say this to you, because if you do proceed with legal action and zero hour approaches, be wary of any last ditch efforts by your W to continue with the status quo separation.
BTW... That was not the first time I have read of your D17 having a very clear attitude on the boundaries of her mother. You should be very proud of her and hope that D13 takes after her.
