So- I am starting a new thread because things have changed in my sitch tonight.
History (recap)- met 6 years ago. Married for 2.5 yrs now. Marriage started to fall apart soon after back from honeymoon, H is in school and fails a class and has to sit out a year. Depression follows, he took comfort in friendship with another woman (EA). I was the controller and made decisions. We did not have an equal relationship. Our marriage was up and down, but I never saw it coming...
He left 5 months ago and got an apt. Over the past few months things have gone from bad to better, to friendship, and feeling like we are close to romance, maybe reconciliation. His EA ended. The past month had been really good- he's more affectionate, were flirting, I've been going to his place. He's been spending nights at the house. We've been ML again. He's been talking about his future plans (graduates in May).
Then in the past 2 weeks, things have gotten wierd again. He has withdrawn from touch, acting distant. When over checking his phone and e-mail all the time. Was talking about a new friend (girl) who is so nice... I needed the truth so checked his e-mail. He is now in another EA- they have obviously done stuff- but he did say in an e-mail that they wouldn't have sex since he is still'married' and she has a boyfriend. But they are obviously in the lust stage from all the details (ick). She is questioning her boyfriend since she thinks my H is great. She went home over the weekend to spend time with boyfriend.
I hit the wall... because I realized that if I didn't say something now, while he is somewhat refraining from being intimate- that this 21 year old may come back single and be ready to move forward with H.
So I called him. I told him that I knew he was distant and was worried about him. I told him that I have been assuming that he knows how I feel- but I shouldn't. I told him that I care about him, that I love him. That I haven't run away and I want the opportunity to work on our marriage, but obviously it takes 2. I told him that our separation has been hard, but it has taught me a lot about what is important in my life. The things I value, and what I have taken for granted. I told him that he needed to know that I have given him time, and that he needs to know where I stand. That if it were me having problems I would want him to be there for me. I do not want to regret being there for him. I do not want to wish I had taken the chance to tell him how I feel and where I stand. He did thank me and I think he was stunned.
Then, I wrote it down and e-mailed it to him again so he can re-read it. And I signed it I love you.
This has been building up for so many months, and there has been no R talk. And he has not been initiating anything. And I feel he is obviously falling into lust with another woman- which I cannot do anything about. I don't know if it was the best thing to do, but I really felt it was what I had to do. I really felt that I had to let him know. And it is done.
Oh god- well I guess I am at the point where I need to know that either he is out- or he is at least willing to work on things. I did not say anything to let him know that I read his e-mail. I just confronted him with my confession of love.
I am a mess right now inside, but also feel like so much weight is lifted!
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
