Well maybe you never got the chance to "explore" and grow during those young years.

Generally there is a major life change or stressor that triggers this and it is a very gradual entrance into the crisis.

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Not to try to play my own therapist or sound as if I am finding an excuse of some kind,


No, this is good that you recognize that something may have happened. You can learn a huge amount of great info. here by searching the posts in the mlc archives There are some very very wise people here. If you see someone with thousands of posts search their names and bring up their posts from the past. You will learn a ton.

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. So, when I discovered this secret "sin" and that it felt "good" at the time, and I had "fun" doing it.......it became very addictive. And when my H confronted me and told me to get rid of everything immediately......in my heart, I did rebell and felt like he was acting like a "father" to me. I resented it very much! Hummmmm.....interesting.


This is what a lot of the running and escape is all about during a crisis. It does become like an addiction or a quick fix from the pain.

I must now prepare you, after posting this you may receive some questions from others on your feelings or opinions about what you went through. After reading this some folks may want to pick your brain so to speak. Maybe, maybe not, I dont know for sure. If it happens, answer only what you are comfortable with.


Don't stand still.