Amy, she was 'miserable' because she felt helpless and a victim. As our counselor said, she could have decided to be 'happy' and keep the marriage together, keep the kids happy. I never did anything to stop her from doing what she wanted to do. Never.
Then your counselor was full of crap because your wife could no more "decide to be happy and keep the marriage together" than I could have back in the day. A person can't make a friggin choice when they ONLY SEE ONE OPTION aside from the life they're living that wasn't working.
Should she have tried to save the family? YES Should she have gone to counseling alone? YES Should she have exhaused all efforts, including online resources as you have, to find out wtf was wrong with her head? YES Can she go back and change the fact that she took what some would consider the easy route? NO
But Frank, sometimes things have to be torn completely down before something new can be built. There are lessons your wife never learned. Just like the ones I never learned. THIS is what I comprehend about your wife that you do not. THIS is the aspect of her journey that I respect and you do not. No amount of sucking it up for the good of the family will change that which SHE DOES NOT KNOW. She had to go. Whether or not she grasps the lessons that she is already being taught is solely dependent upon her willingness to consider that she doesn't know one damn thing about life and love. Nobody knows what she will do. Or how she will change. Except the One Whose hands you are supposedly to be placing her in every night. Your anger is going to prevent you from doing that if you don't get it under your feet.
"The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much"
