So, Amy, you were the one leading the charge a few months ago against her when I was 'defending' her. Now she's suffering and you're defending her while I'm trying to let her go. I'm not defending her. I'm trying to keep you from going off the deep end and ending up hating her. This was her choice, yes. But everything that led up to her making this choice was not within her control. Should she have received help earlier in life? Hell yes. But the fact is no one knew how much she needed it. Not her. And apparently not you either. I detest what she has done to your family, but I won't sit here while you erect an ivory tower and sound like you think you're so much better than her. At least she's 'out there', Frank. With nothing to hold onto. That actually leaves her at the mercy of God and whatever He deems it necessary that she learn. She's actually in a good place if you look at it from that perspective. YOU are still trying to decide what you will and will not do, accept, allow, etc...Letting go might have been essential to your wife learning whatever she will learn - just as I did - and the same probably holds true for you. Until you let go, WITHOUT the bitterness I see seeping in, you are potentially going to be your own worst obstacle.
Yeah, I know her life is not a picnic and I still have 'expectations'. I want them to go away and I can only do that by cutting her out of my life more. Understood, but when it's done with the bitterness that I hear in your posts, it's not being done right. Be careful of your natural tendency to put up walls, Frank. They will hinder you terribly. I know you don't fully grasp what I'm saying but be aware and be careful nevertheless. Letting go of her - minimizing her involvement in your life - is critical to you right now, yes. But the anger that makes you finally make the move IS NOT THE RIGHT MOTIVATOR. I'm probably not expressing myself well....UGH....you have to deal with the anger at the same time that you are exercising her from your life for your own good!
I do understand and agree with you when you say "She's out there growing up. Let her. It doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate the kindness you show her. It just means SHE AIN'T DONE. ."
No, she isn't.
I just want to move on, that's all. I'm the custodial parent which means I don't go out. She may not have a 'home' but she has a companion. I hear you, Frank. I know. But you CAN go out. Your kids are 13 and 17. You can leave them home alone for a couple hours in the evening. DO IT AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!
I just want to stop caring No, you don't! Not really. You just want to stop hurting. There's a difference and time will help with the pain. You're going to need to quit ripping off your own scabs though. Which means, NO EXPECTATIONS. CUT HER LOOSE. Talk about the anger with your therapist. .
We aren't decorating tonight. We'll do it tomorrow.
