Tired of the fight and ready to hang it up.

[Little Engine]

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Sorry I haven't been able to catch up just yet. Five days away from the Internet and I'm having withdrawals. Today is our anniversary, so we made it twelve years, although nothing to really celebrate. I didn't say anything to W and she didn't mention it to me. I had the kids this weekend and did okay taking them back, but completely broke down after leaving them. It is just not fair that she is rewarded for her infidelity by getting to be with our kids everyday and every night. I tell myself I can't have an M with her because too much water has flowed under our bridge and I am ready to let her go. We talked some on Friday and it was like I was in a conversation with a stranger. Her tone was so negative about a former co-worker and how she was this and that and blah, blah, blah. I just left feeling badly for her. I didn't have the kids on Thanksgiving and that was tough. Just not being a part of our usual family celebration hurts. I went to SIL's to drop off the kids tonight and everyone was there, but I wasn't welcome. Just a completely weird scene. I feel so alone! I just want my family back and haven't the first idea what would make that happen. I want the comfort of knowing I am going home to my W and kids and we will all sleep under the same roof. I just keep praying that God will sort all of this out and give me some direction.