Thank you for your support. I guess I am just torn between anger, sadness, and maybe hope. When I get angry, I imagine all these things that could "force" her back into this M (in reality, none of that will work, of course). When I am sad, I usually turn to my kids and give them all the love I have (it feels good in a way, but it also makes me cry when I am not with them). When I feel hope, that is when I rehearse how I will talk to her DB style and imagine how she finally realizes that it is really a bad idea throwing away 17 years of her life.
I have come to the conlusion (in those hours when hope prevails) that I will not even mention anything about those two weeks to her. I will however set those boundaries as mentioned in previous post. I do not care if she honors them, but she will hopefully realize that I still honor my vows.
Today I have been sad most of the time. So I turned to my kids a lot, spent time with them. We set up a wooden Nativity Set under the Christmas tree and I read the Christmas story to them. They can't wait until it is finally Christmas, while I kind of wish it would still take a long time. Due to the rainy weather, we spent most of the day inside, but I enjoyed it, even though I was sad.
Tomorrow will be a new day. I will have to work, but I can do it from home this week. So every now and then, I will hopefully have a few minutes that I can spend with them.
The one thing I have been thinking and have not come to a conclusion on is whether or not to tell her that I want the kids. She could take it as a threat, but it is really not. I want the kids, with or without her. Period. On the other hand, what is the purpose of telling her? How is it going to help me save my M? I really unsure about that. Any input would be appreciated.
AN
M43 W45, M17 S9 D6 Bomb: 11/11/08 EA: 10/26-12/31/08 ? Retrouvaille: 2/13-2/15/09 Healed, but still heading for D My situation
