Staying present in my life

[Bworl]

I think there's a fairly fine line here that's being bantered about.

Frank's wife, and any other spouse who chooses to walk away from their commitments, do NOT get a free pass. I don't particularly care what crisis she is or is not going through. And while I agree that such a hurtful decision as choosing to have affairs and destroy families has huge and painful repercussions on BOTH sides of the relationship, I still have no problem with pointing a finger of sorts at the spouse who chose to bail.

We did not ask for this upheaval.

Grown adults who have entered into a life long promise of love and life together KNOW that there will be hard times. They promise to find a way through those times together. They do NOT choose to bail on the relationship and turn to another person's bed.

And Amy, you know I love your perspective, your honesty, and your caring, but I flat out disagree with you when you throw about statements like

This sounds like you're saying she should have stayed to make you happy and just allowed herself to remain miserable.

because to me this is nothing more that justification drivel. This is the kind of thing that those of us who are dumped hear from our spouses as why they are right to go off and break their promises. I'm not buying it. Happiness is fleeting and constantly changing. Happiness is not found in a perfect relationship, it is found within. Running from your commitments does not improve your chances of finding happiness one iota.


All of that being said, I'm very much in agreement with Amy when she states that you Frank are still not to the point of indifference yet. And part of the reason this is still a problem is that you refuse to separate your two lives to the point where your wife can no longer participate in the home she chose to walk away from.

You WANT her around. And so you allow it.

And I do think you want her around because you ARE hoping that you will one day get that arms-thrown-around-your-neck profession of love from her. You have to continue working on cutting that need and slowly but surely allowing her to go. At the same time Frank needs to begin moving forward in some tangible way with his life with his girls.

I'm still trying to figure out for example why neither of you have filed any type of proceeding yet. And if neither of you are ready to prepare divorce papers, I think it's at least long past due to get some type of temporary order in place regarding the girls and custody at least.

As long as your wife gets to continue playing this role of Mommy away finding herself, you will continue to be haunted with her presence and yet denied the part of her that you truly desire.


Blessings,

Bill