Well, nice day in church & Sunday school this am. Really nice people there and the volunteer work I've done I think makes you get closer to people too. I'm going to try to do as much volunteer work as I can fit into my life, esp. the next few months I think.
I was talking to the Pastor's wife and she said when she first got to know me she couldn't believe how non-assertive I was (yeah a total wimp), but basically sounded like she thinks I've made great progress so that was good to hear.
H apparently didn't read my email (he has some kind of problem reading them on his blackberry so needs a computer to read them and doesn't have one on the weekends or something like that). So I was in my room, D9 comes in which I'm fine with, and then H comes to the door (didn't come in but stood outside my door) asking about Tuesday's eval and that he wants to pick up the kids that am sounding like he basically didn't trust me to do so. He said sometimes I don't show up or something, and then it's hard to reschedule??? WTH?? I don't recall that I have ever cancelled an appt. for me or the kids in the last 20 years, maybe one time if I was sick with the flu or something but I don't even think that. It's like he's invented me or made up that I'm some different kind of person than I am or something. That whole my W must be a villain or what kind of guy would leave her for a ho or something like that???
OK, I really hate talking to him and don't enjoy it at all, but he basically tracks me down to do that. I've asked him before to please email as I prefer that (plus if I can remember to save my emails then I can have a record when he starts making up stuff or having faulty memory. Should I just remind him about that one more time or let it slide or what do you think I should do about that? You would think an email saying Please email me when you need to communicate would be easy to understand but apparently not!!!
I told him the same stuff in the email I sent yesterday that I see my L tomorrow and will see if she is agreeable to the eval or not. Didn't go into the driving thing and ignored that comment.
He lectured me a little bit about S15 and his problems washing his hair and wearing socks (he has weird little sensory-stuff related to his autism) and I said yeah, he does all that. Just agreed with him so no fight like he was probably hoping for.
Ok, I've been eating like a pig since Thursday!!! I think the stress really kicked in yesterday over the first hearing we have Wed. re: temporary custody, alimony, and child support. And going to court which I've never done. I'm hoping H is stressed out as I am but as an L I wouldn't think so. I did exercise today but blew that by making chocolate chip cookies for the kids tonight (I ate a good share of them too)! Karen
OK, I really hate talking to him and don't enjoy it at all, but he basically tracks me down to do that. I've asked him before to please email as I prefer that (plus if I can remember to save my emails then I can have a record when he starts making up stuff or having faulty memory. Should I just remind him about that one more time or let it slide or what do you think I should do about that? You would think an email saying Please email me when you need to communicate would be easy to understand but apparently not!!!
Karen,
If this is a personal boundary for you, then enforce it. Tell him "I've told you that I prefer to discuss these things in e-mail." And then change the subject.
I think it's a good idea to have a paper trail, for the reasons you state.
Karen: when he starts making up stuff or having faulty memory
This may be a thing with cheating spouses, mine makes up stuff all the time and wow what a faulty memory, I never correct her, I just take it until the D is finished.
Don't worry about going to court, they have seen everything before and its just a job to them and the L's take care of everything. If everything is agreed to, there is not much involved (from my understanding) and yes I have been to court before, when I was younger, traffic accident, I had to take the witness stand.
Any chocolate chip cookies left
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 1.90
So I called today the eval center and the tester that would be testing S15 called me back. She said H didn't tell her we were going through D and that he would be using the testing report as a court document. He said the testing would be used for public school placement. Liar, liar, pants on fire. I told the evaluator the truth and she said both parents would have to consent to the eval. I didn't cancel the eval b/c I'm going to leave it up to the L. She said they couldn't really tell whether public school would be a better alternative for the kids than hsing or not. My idea is that on the rare chance they say the kids aren't ld then he sends them to public school. Otherwise when the predictable delays occur (they have them a little in reading, writing, and S15 has math delays, I'm thinking he will say those delays are my fault or due to hsing rather than their lds and autism. But H for example, went to a special school for dyslexics in Miami ($15,000 a year) for elementary and middle school (7 or 8 years) and when they tested him in junior year college he tested at a 4th grade writing level. I truly believe he had the best education money could buy and he had severe delays. She said they look at the final IQ score rather than the subtests (10 is average). When S15 got tested at 7, he had 5s in 3 or 4 of the areas and 13s in some. (Same as his dad when he gets tested who is also dyslexic). They average the scores together and it comes out to 104 which looks normal, but really isn't. If he got 5s in every area, they would consider him retarded (50 IQ). But his good areas (visual-spatial) bring up his score to normal. But on the other hand we haven't had them diagnosed with the reading and writing disabilities which I believe they would. Don't know if that would help or not. I'm going to leave this up to the attorney (I see her at 2pm today). Karen
So he had emailed me this am that he didn't tell me my lawyer agreed to the evaluation, just that she thought it might be a good idea to get them evaluated. Of course he told me "your lawyer already agreed to it" Wed. night so you can see why I got the impression he was full of crap.
He emailed me back interesting--I'm going to have to follow your example in the future. I guess meaning that I'm being an a@@ or something and I emailed back I'd love that! Thanks! I realized after I sent it he would take that as me being smart a**, but I 100% meant that sincerely you know!!! I really would love that!!! Karen
The L asked me today what the kids did for Thanksgiving and where they went and I told her I don't know. I usually let the kids tell me what they want and I don't ask ?s. Just a did you have fun? and that's about it. So I came home and broke down and asked D9 about their thanksgiving. They spent it at OW's and had Thanksgiving with her. She said she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. D9 is seriously sweet. I'm more worried about her and S15 actually than my feelings. I asked if she spent the whole 4 days at OW's and she said no, just that one day. Karen
She said she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me
Oh man. And I know you told her its ok to tell you anything! But I know what you mean, I worry more about the kids too. The other day, someone asked how I was, and I said "I'm fine, its really about the kids now".
Oh and that is funny H conveniently left out the fact that you are getting a divorce and the eval would be a court document! Just last week my xH called to get me a percentage rate for my refi (on the house), and when I followed up with the guy today he was totally confused because he said xH talked as if we were married, called me his wife, and made it seem like it was just a normal refinance. Weirdos!
How are you doing today my sunny friend? Don't let tomorrow bother you, you are going to be fine. Just think of all of us right there with you and your glass eating L and your H squirming over there with just his L. Or if all else fails, picture them in their underwear!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Karen
Karen