Ok I hope there are still feelings with H but gut is saying NO feelings.
As you once had NO feelings for him, but that changed.
Quote:
1. He likes OW company - no sex and if there was it would just be using her. He wouls have to much trouble trusting again to love again.
Who knows if any of that is true...
Quote:
2. He will not confront OM until I move out of the area or if I go to be friends with OM again
Again, what is served by this?
Quote:
3. He thinks possibly by going out and having fun ie sex he might realise that it is not what he wants
Keeping you on a string kind of talk
Quote:
4. Wants me completely out of the business as he has no drive when he knows i stand to gain from his work.
"Blaming the victim" and completely self serving and suspicious
Quote:
5. Says he has horrible feelings when I am around nd feels good when i am not. although today he says he felt good
That's not confusing or anything...doublespeak and mixed signals = punishing you yet keeping you on a string
Quote:
6. He hugged me and kissed me - a peck.
mixed signals, keeping you on a string
Quote:
7. Said he would rather have sex with me than the OW right now.
unbelievably mixed signals and GIGANTIC string keeping
Quote:
I was fairly strong, did not whine .I looked good but I did talk about R. Said that it hurt when he spoke of other woman and he said well why was it ok for me to go and have an A and not good enough for her......
Childish, punishing, abusive and nonsensical statement by him...STOP talking about the R. That's one of the DB commandments, right? Stop it.
Quote:
I said that I gave up the OM for him , he said but you did not because you lied for 3 years and that where all the pain was done.
Clearly this is still and always going to be his issue until he does something CONSTRUCTIVE not DESTRUCTIVE about it.
Quote:
He said go fix yourself and then you might realise I am not for you and I might see the new you and want you again.
This is emotional abuse, M. Plain and simple. Fix yourself and maybe you'll be worth loving??? Screw him. Maybe when you fix yourself you won't be interested...has he thought of that?
Quote:
He seemed pleased that I had made plans to go out etc.
whatever...just guilt relief.
Quote:
I recognise the feelings in him. When I was seeing OM i just wanted H to leave and get out of my face. Go find someone etc etc but when the A was discovered , I did a complete change.
It sounds to me like he wants you like this.
Quote:
I know the answer is to get out there and become the independant woman but at the moment I want H more.
If you want him then roll up your sleeves and DB.
Quote:
Thoughts anyone. Do i ontinue minimal contact etc but avoid R talk. He hates me coming to his work , so how do i be with him with good feelings.
Read the stuff on 180's. STOP R TALK.
Quote:
He also said the no contact was helping him heal. Is this good or is he healing in a way that puts more distance between us ?
Healing is healing and you cannot and should not try to control another person's healing. You can't say heal but don't put distance between us. IMO you are the one that needs some distance from HIM anyway. And I don't see how you two have "no contact"? It sounds like if you are upset you tell him and he comes running and you have emotional and confused, contradictory convos that don't solve anything.
Quote:
what am I afraid of ?
Not being a complete family Never having someone who cares someone to take an interest in me. Having hassles with new spouses etc Feeling like his forever Rushing out an going into an inappropriate relationship just to get past these feelings Never eating again
What I hear is that you are mostly afraid of being alone. I hear you saying you want "someone" more than you want him per se...is that possible?
