Is she is or is she ain't (my baby)?

[sleeper]

Recent difficulties with X had little to do with her, it was me.

We've been getting along so well I think I let my heart get ahead of my @ss. I'm thinking about putting a big thick rubber band on my wrist and popping myself every time I think about doing something for her as I repeat, "She's not my wife, she's not my wife."

I've already made baby steps for myself. She asked to use my/our ladder today to put lights on her house. I met her at a store to swap kids and thought about taking the ladder to her house as it will no doubt be difficult for her to unload. I decided not to and put the ladder on the top of her car in the parking lot. She can figure it olut and as it turned out she was OK with it.

At one point, "in the middle of the night" (Billy Joel?) I had a little speech planned out to explain to her why I was going to pull away. Today I decided to say nothing about why I'm doing what I'm doing, "just do it" (Nike?). My god, our whole language is turning into one-liners.

The past 24 hours I have been thinking quite a bit about going on a date this week as it might help my attitude and self-confidence. This evening all I want to do is go to the gym. I haven't been able to go the last couple of weeks because of illness and went yesterday. I couldn't go all summer because of a misdiagnosed dislocated shoulder (you may say ouch if you like, I said a lot more over the course of the summer).

X just called. X, kids and OM are putting up lights on the business (a job I've done every year until now). This hurts a little but it has to happen. Last year I put lights on the business and he put lights on her/our house. She called to ask questions as to how I did it in the past and where some of the lights are stored. I answered her questions. Lets see if he can fill my shoes.

On the other hand I guess he's over his fear of doing something that "shows too much commitment".