Looks like we are going through the same stages. I cycle from anger, crying, bargaining, over analysis, and detachment. I am getting better every day.
When D7 and I went to church today, I realized that both of us were better than last week. Last week it was hard to sit with other families and realize that W is not part of us together any more. My D7 sat and cried the first week.
Also I'm about over the overwhelming anxiety...I learned to not try and find out about the OM. Every time I did, it hurt me more than it was worth. That anxiety was really bad and took all day to settle down.
I am really trying to just stay in the moment...no past, no future. That really helps...
JWM Don't want to high jack but your thoughts are right on the money for my sit. the most destructive thing in my head is thoughts of OM Betty. You keeping busy today? Got those new shoes yet:) B
This is probably the most anger I have had since H left. Currently, I have an overwhelming urge to call him and leave him a message letting him know just what I think of him right now.
I know better than to actually do that, which is why I am here, venting.
I went out into the world today and did some pleasure reading. I say that sarcastically, because there really was no pleasure in it. I am too pissed.
The crap weather is preventing me from running and getting my endorphin fix. I am sas, lonely, angre and increasingly bitter as the day rolls on.
I am quite sure all of this vitriol and bile will devolve into tears at some point today, so stay tuned...
{{{Beth}}} Ugh..I hear you..I was really angry at my hub last week..thinking of how much I had given up/not done/not reached for because of our marriage and then he wanted to leave ME..I was like "what the heck?"..so I totally understand and it has to be normal.
My mom, who is a counselor (not mine of course LOL..but a counselor) was talking about the stages of grief where you go thru denial, sadness, anger, and then the 2 other stages that escape me at the moment..but she said that the sadness/anger/denial a lot of times will intertwine with each other..it's not just a set "you'll be angry now, you'll be sad now"..etc..so it's perfectly NORMAL..
Can you hit some pillows? Throw something..I read somewhere on here (I think one of the links you put on) to get plates to break..now that would work!
Love and hugs to you my friend!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Thank you for that. Your thoughts on this really help. I really wish I could run right now. Physically pushing myself when I have this much anger in me is usually a pretty productive way for me to get it out, but this bloody rain is preventing me!
Just checked out a new dance studio that is located on my way home from work. They offer group classes and have dance parties two Fridays per month where one can come, alone, to practice the dances learned. They are closed today but I will be calling them tomorrow.
I am still a bit angry but now I am feeling a bit down, too (cue waterworks). Feeling like I am just deluding myself about reconciliation.
I know that self-improvment is a good thing and I will keep it up for me. It's just that I really miss him. I know my life is not full enough yet, I realize I need more social activity. I am working on that (see previous post and I have a meet-up dinner this Wednesday with a group of women. I just find it hard to believe that anything is going to lift the sadness I feel. I miss his smile and his laughter. I miss his take on things and his voice. I miss his hugs.
Obviously, I could really have used some endorphins today. I cannot go to the gym because it is in his office building and I have no idea when he goes there on weekends and I really do not want to bump into him. He'll think I'm looking for him because I really never used it much. I have always prefered to run outside and work out at home.
It just kills me that he can go without seeing me or talking to me, that I was so easy to leave. Really am feeling pathetic today.
I do know that I have to pull myself out of this mood. I do recognize that it is my responsibility to cheer myself up and get on with it. Just need to feel sorry for myself a bit longer.
Anger is a great tool to help with detachment. So while it's clearly not as good as happiness, it's probably better for you than depression!
Now, if you wanted to get rid of anger... you might want to remember that husband really hasn't done anything 'wrong'. He's an adult. He has every right to decide he doesn't like you and end your marriage.
Sure, that decision is causing you extream pain. But it's his right. If anything, he is being more civilized than most WAS on this forum (no OW and he isn't hurling pain and insults at you like other folks).
The sadness\regret are one emotional extream and the anger is the other extream. You swing back and forth, with the hope that you can settle down into the middle (ambivalence). That's the final destination of detachment.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
Thanks for that, it sounds about right. It's just that right now I am swinging pretty strongly toward sadness and pain.
While I agree with you that whatever his feelings are, he has a right to have them and he has not wronged me by having them. It is the way he is handling them that gets me angry. Walking out, not really looking back and moving on like I was some girl he met in a bar and dated casually for a couple of months. No explanation whatsoever.
You are right that he is otherwise conducting himself well - no OW, certainly no insults or game-playing. I have been reading a lot today and telling myself to get a grip and get some perspective.
But, at the heart of it, you are right, I am devastated that he no longer loves me while I still love him so very much.
It does help to know that I am on the right path and that what I am experiencing is normal. Thank you for helping me see that.
Beth, goto the gym. You need to take care of yourself...don't worry that he might be there. Right now it is about you. My W and D7 went out today without me...one of the first times ever. It was hard for me but I left and went to the gym. Talked to a female other than my wife. Talk about feel better...there is a world out there.
{{Beth}} Love the idea of the dance studio..I too am wanting to do something like that..there is a ballroom dancing studio that seems nice, but is a bit too expensive, so I may end up doing something either thru the Y or thru our local community college enrichment classes for salsa dancing or something..I just think that sounds fun
So how about get yourself a membership at another gym, if you don't want to go to that one, I know the Y around here is pretty cheap if you are doing an individual plan, like maybe $20 a month and, if you call and tell them you are interested, they left me a guest pass to use to check out the stuff too?!
I feel exactly the way you do about your sitch and your spouse..I was reading those things you said and thought "ok..she's reading my mind too LOL"!
Hugs to you my friend!! Your hub is BLIND not to have stayed with someone who cares so much about herself, her marriage, and her husband!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
