BM the girls and I did have our photos taken. D18 also had some taken with her BF as his mum has been nagging them for a 'nice' photo of them for some time. I'm sure they will be nice photos but I'm not going to buy one of D18 and her BF. They have been together for 3 yrs but I still think D18 is way to young to be settling down with one person for the rest of her life (as she already seems to be alluding to). He is 22 so I can see why his mum might feel slightly differently.
Quote:
This is going to destroy you if you let it.
I think it already has.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Wait for another 5 years, and then you may have a completely different perspective. Think about the R you have with your mom. Wasn't it very difficult? (We often forget our own behaviour as teens.) Has it not changed somewhat .... from your viewpoint and hers? But, at this time, I am sure you feel utterly destroyed. Remember: Time doesn't heal hurts; it's what you do with that time.
((((ACJ))))
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yes you are right my R with my mother was very strained as a child and young adult BUT I always respected her. Even when she forbade me to go on holiday with H the year after we met I respected her wishes and did not go. I was 20 and by the time the holiday came round (which he went on with a friend) we were engaged.
I will probably get shot down for this but I really feel that now is the time for S16 to stand up and be counted. I've done everything I possibly can especially since he moved in with H and he has not responded in any way. I have to show tough love for a while at least. He has to know that he has to be accountable for his own actions. He sees none of that with H and OW and so I know it will take a while. I doubt I will see him at all at Christmas now but that has to be his decision. I'm sure H is rubbing his hands with glee but you know what I really don't care what he thinks anymore.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
You may've responded differently to your mom, if your dad had left. In some ways, kids blame the mother for the break-up of the family, even if it is clearly the father who left, and has the bulk of the blame. Your S16 is getting his way for now. I think you are doing the right thing by sticking to guns. Yes, he is responsible for his decisions, and you do need to hold him up to them (but, don't allow yourself to get too hurt over his stupid choices because he is a teen, and they will do what they will do, but sometimes they pleasantly surprise us).
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I really don't care what he thinks anymore.
Ah, this is such a milestone for you or anyone trying to drop the rope, and let go. You shouldn't care what he thinks because what he thinks is irrelevant, and quite frankly, screwed up. You just need to stay consistent with how you deal with the children. Your H is just trying to buy their (especially S16 ... what a sexist) affection and 'loyalty'. It'll work for awhile, but eventually they will see through it.
Anyway, I hope you're feeling a little better now. Tough love is definitely the way to go ... if it's lovingly applied.
Gosh! This is almost like a IM session, but I have DB open while highlighting texts in my books (exams in a couple of weeks) so I see new posts quite quickly.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
and I'm glad it is. I hate having to wait hours for responses sometimes with there being that horrible time difference when everyone is asleep at different times!
For me this is the witching hours. I should be going to bed so that I can get up for work in the morning but I'm zing wide awake. I will probably be like that until about 3am if the last two weeks is anything to go by. Then in the morning I will find it extremely difficult to get up. I'm lucky in that I have a flexible time to my working day. Trouble is the later I start the later I finish and the more time D13 spends on her own. I need to turn this around soon as i don't think my new employer is going to be quite so flexible and it is even further to travel.
I guess it's probably masked depression making my sleeping pattern like this. I never thought I would say this but I just want this D over and done with now so that I can begin to move forward. I will always love my H but he clearly doesn't love me anymore so what's the point of hanging on. Ironically it's now him who is dragging his feet in this process. If he had just rolled with our agreement in principle that we made in September it would all have been over by the end of January. Now it will most likely be either his birthday or mine.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
He surely is a contrary person, isn't he? You must be so sick and tired of the drama. I think that's the point I got to when I wanted the divorce. Like, just let's get this over with now, already. I think these men just don't know their own minds. It must be like living in a hurricane in their brains, with the odd clarity of the eye of the storm before being swept away again.
Anyway, I hope you got to sleep eventually. It's the best thing for getting rid of stress and worry ... that and exercise.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I am sick and tired of the drama yes but I am under no illusion, there is no way my H has changed his mind. When I saw him on Thursday I knew that. I think he is dragging his feet so that he can come up with more ways to get more money out of me. There is no more money to give so he can try all he likes. Part of me wants this to go to a contested D so that I can really have my say but it would just be wasted money as the outcome would still be the same.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Just some random thoughts - I hope that they help you Alison.
I think you have you depersonalise this as much as you can. Don't see your husband as your husband any more see him as an object same with OW. Force yourself not to think about them as people.
As for your children you husband isn't giving them any choices. None at all. That means that you have to give them all of the choices. So, if they want to live with your husband you have to let them and then support them in their decision. If they want to live with you then so be it. But it's not a popularity contest. This is about your children and their lives.
Same with the photographs. If they don't want to have their photograph taken it's sad and all but they don't want their photograph taken. That's life. But it's not the end of the world.
Speaking personally I know that if I'm not allowed to make my own choices I become quite random and then make silly choices. If I'm allowed freedom and space to decide I seem to make better choices.
Hope you had a better weekend at the ed, and the week, so far, is going well.
(((((ACJ)))))
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
