New Here-From Newcomers- hoping for more input...

[optimistwife]

Hi ITH,

Thanks for being there. H came over last night and I had dinner ready. He was a bit distant and kept busy doing stuff on the computer (he goes back and forth between checking sports stuff, e-mail and FB). We put in a video in the background and pretty much just hung out- I know from your posts you know exactly what I am talking about...

I did bring up him moving his stuff- but tried to keep it positive- "hey I saw you got through a lot of your old papers and stuff". He kind of was evasive- said 'what do you mean" and I replyed that it really helps to get all that stuff cleaned up. He said that he needed to organize all his notes and stuff and it needed to be done. We just kind of left it at that... Nothing further.

We played with dogs and he seemed okay but a little irritated at the dogs jumping around- which when he is in a good mood/frame of mind he doesn't mind at all.

I guess I do see it as a good sign that he is still visiting at the house- but I do have this underlying fear in the back of my mind of what happens when he has taken all his things from the house. We are getting dangerously close to it! Still has tools and workout stuff in the garage. I was kind of hoping he would start moving a few things back in - or at least leave a set of clothes over.

All in all I handled it okay. I pretty much kept as up as I could, got a bit sleepy on the couch. We went to bed and he fell asleep watching videos. He stayed on his side of the bed and no cuddling, which is pretty different from just a week ago when he was comfortable with affection and ML.

You are right about the depression thing. This could be a swing again. He does tend to cycle- I have just lost track that the recent past has been an UP. I do know that he can't be happy with US until he is happy with himself. As we go down on the rollercoaster right now I guess I just need to put my hands in the air and say Wheeeee!

I know that H will be going somewhere at the end of school in May/June. He won't find out until March with his internship programs, but he didn't apply anywhere around here. I would welcome the chance to go with him and have a fresh start- a new adventure. Of course that is dependent on him in so many ways.

I was thinking this morning that I am making several assumptions-which may or may not be right. I am assuming that H is contemplating what our M and future holds. I am assuming that he knows what I want. I am assuming that he knows that I want to move with him where ever he goes. I am assuming he just doesn't know yet.

H does not seem able to bring up any R issues- hasn't been able to the whole way through so not sure how this would change now. But I am trying to follow through with the DB protocol and not bring things up- and let him lead the way.

And- thanks for the FB message! I can't access it at work, but saw the note. It does sound interesting. I am open to whatever at this point!

thanks for the support.