The Soap Suds are out of the tub.

[kelaaron]

MT-I'm glad you came to it on your own and I was just a little reinforcement. You know like the rest of us, I came here to save my M, but I have really ended up saving me. With everyone's help. I finally know who I am, what I am without H and even without S. I am learning new things about me everyday. And I like myself a lot more than I used to. It is kinda neat.

You know, that is something H has been trying to tell me about himself. That he just doesn't know who he is, who we are together, or anything. And he needs to find that out. I didn't understand what he meant at all until I started doing it. I was so wrapped up in being mom and wife, that there was no Kel that wasn't not wrapped up in that. People who have known me my entire life would say I know you, and I just wanted to scream at them, NO you don't. Not at all. How could you, I'm not sure myself. But I didn't really do that, I just kept plugging along stuck in the rut and hoping someday I would know. Wanna know something scary? H's GM, became a totally different woman after her H died. Everyone used the excuse well she can live her life now that he is gone (he was very abusive). But I don't want to live like that. She was in her 80's when she passed. He went 3 years before her. She was very sick the last year and a half. So out of 80+ years she was herself and happy for less than 2. She could have done it before then. But she didnt' know how because she accepted her role as the battered wife. She could have done it and still remained M, but she wouldn't or couldn't let herself.