New Here-From Newcomers- hoping for more input...

[istherehope]

Hi Opt,

OK I'm sending you a message after I post. I was thinking you were already on my friend list, but couldn't remember who :).

While I would feel the same in your situation, i.e. with your H taking his papers and such, please try to remain calm. This is a rollercoaster, and just because your H is feeling like cleaning out his stuff today, does not mean that he has made a definitive decision about your M. Honestly my H has done all kinds of screwy stuff and I'm not beyond getting upset by it by any means, but when I look back I realize that the things he was doing mirrored his strange mental state at the time. For example one week he hid the picture of us together, and on his video game I saw that he titled one of his towns "D-vorz". Since then the picture has come back out, and no more marriage ending terms in his video games. I know it isn't the same, but my point is that they go through so many emotions, and if your H is depressed like mine was, this seems pretty typical...

If I understand right in your situation in any case, there is the possibility to move away somewhere together in the not too distant future? I know this hasn't been decided one way or the other, but it might help to see that as the fresh start to aim for rather than living in the same place in your own town right away? Just a thought...

Him continuing to stay the night with you is very good, IMO. I really don't think he would do this if he was sure he wanted things to end. I wouldn't worry about what his family may have told him over Thanksgiving either. Chances are they want him to recommit to the marriage in any case.

Also I know this may not help, but in my own sitch, just before things got better, they were unimaginably bad. H had signed up for a roommates service, and was totally planning to move out. All signs pointed to him transitioning away from me, rather than back to me. H was so caught up in his own unhappiness, and I was the one variable he thought he could remove to improve his life. I think we had to go through that to get to where we are now, which obviously is still not reconciliation but is a lot better. I guess what I am trying to say there is that I have read from other success stories that things really do get worse before they get better. If you can remain calm, cool, and collected, your H may in fact see that he doesn't need to pull back from you. If you don't acknowledge, or perhaps just validate, him being moody and removing his things from the house, he may just move forward and back toward you.

I think you are doing really well, and are in a place that many people here would love to be in. Please hang in there!

ITH