Feeling like I just want to get on with things, make our future plans and express love like we used to! Then reality sets in and I realize I'm not to the finish line yet...:)That's OK though. I am a completely different person to when we started this process, and each day I surprise myself with the things that I do. We used to fight constantly. I always blamed it on H having a bad temper (which he does). However now that I do not react to anything at all, he doesn't snap at me anymore. Michele is right that if one person changes the dynamic changes. There have been a couple of times where H has gotten annoyed at small things, but I have yet to take the bait. I'm remembering, would I rather be right or would I rather be married...
This morning we got up, and I made H breakfast. He said I was cute, and was generally nice. My ex (from 8 years ago) emailed me that he is going to be on an archaeological dig in Bulgaria, would my H and I like to visit. Ex has a serious GF, and my H is absolutely not jealous of this ex, actually really likes him as a person. So I told H about this, and he actually said he'd be interested. This would likely be in February, so another semi-agreement to future plans, and moreover to getting together with friends as a couple. Last night again there was a very small reference to future talk. We were talking about the computer, and I said that I wished we could have gotten this other really cool kind, and he said "that will be our next computer", implying a couple of years down the road...For my part I don't jump on these future references, but acknowledge them positively and move on. I don't want him to get spooked.
Now he's at the gym, so he'll be gone for a few hours. I'm making sure not to get the least bit annoyed or clingy when he does his own thing. I am pretty emotionally exhausted to tell the truth, but I do feel that it's like training for a race or something. It's tiring to start the workouts at first while you build up muscles that haven't really been used much in the past, but then it becomes easier and part of the routine. It's becoming second nature to DB in the house. I'm not near the breaking point, even though from time to time I get frustrated. I'm going to take this slow approach at least through the new year, then re-evaluate. That will give us time to make it through 2 major holidays.
OK enough journaling for now. It's a sunny day and I need to get dressed and take a long walk while H is out. He lost his keys, so I need to be home when he gets home...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
