2008 = Crazy Year (Numb 19)

[Babygirl]

hey my friend, thanks for checking on me!! glad you are having kiddo time. its a lifesaver! i wish i could wiggle my nose and make all this go away for all of us!
hugs my dear friend

[lost_in_space]

Just wanted to update...

As you know, W is away with D16 until next Sunday. S13, D11 and I are enjoying things so far.

OMW and I continue our communications. OMW has been asked to try and work on things in her M. She is not sure if she wants to. I suggested no contact commitment to her. Will see what happens. If nothing else, Fantasy land is a little gloomy at present.

What will this mean for me and my sitch? Not sure - but not really dwelling on it either. W may indeed proceed with looking at D - I cannot control that. BUT if OM is truly out of the way, at least there is one MAJOR hurdle eliminated.

OMW and I have agreed to keep each other informed of where things are at.

There are differing opinions, but I now firmly believe that exposure to OMW is essential in these situations. For me, may not save my M, BUT at least OMW is no longer being deceived and can decide what is best for her.

I am firmly committed to trying to live with TRUTH, HONESTY and OPENNESS. I won't say this is a total 180, but I have in the past been someone who kept things fairly guarded - not so much anymore...

[marriedCrazy]

I agree with your modus operandi LIS.

[Hope4us]

There are differing opinions, but I now firmly believe that exposure to OMW is essential in these situations. For me, may not save my M, BUT at least OMW is no longer being deceived and can decide what is best for her.

I am firmly committed to trying to live with TRUTH, HONESTY and OPENNESS. I won't say this is a total 180, but I have in the past been someone who kept things fairly guarded - not so much anymore...

I couldn't agree more Lost. And to go a little further (ok, a lot further), IMO, if a WS does not end their A once it is discovered, the children should be told. In an age appropriate way of course, but told none the less.

I was reading an article yesterday that related the story of a man who had gone through some trauma in his life that NO ONE should have to go through. In fact, it's amazing that the guy didn't end up in jail or worse, but in the article he stated that when his parents divorced it was bad, but learning later in life that his father had cheated on his mother and that was the reason for the divorce and he had been LIED to for all the years was the worst thing he'd ever had to deal with.

Now I know that there could be some different idea's on when to tell the kids. For me I waited until I was ready to file for D before telling them. In retrospect I probably should have told them the first time W went away with OM for the weekend. Maybe that would have ended the A more quickly and then a lot of the pain we threw at each other over the 6 months between that and when I did tell the kids could have been avoided and possibly made our recovery easier.

Ok, mini TJ over, but I thought it was worth sharing what I read and how it relates to our sitch's.

I'll reiterate what someone posted to you earlier. Be careful to keep your distance from OMW. Strictly business. I know there got to be a point for OMW in my sitch where she was getting a little too close, talking about meeting up, etc. And that would have been BAD. As lonely as I was and as vulnerable as she was, it would have been a recipe for disaster.

You're doing well Lost. TRUTH, HONESTY AND OPENNESS. Pretty darn good way to live your (and my) life. No matter what happens, at least you can look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and KNOW you're doing the right thing.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I remain glad that I told my kids. To this day, however, my wife doesn't know I told S-then-14; if she ever finds that out, she'll likely go ballistic, but I didn't want him to EVER think I would lie to him, and I wanted him to know the reason why our marriage was failing, if it was to fail.

As is the case of most affairs and a child of his age . . . he already knew, and had been horribly confused and upset.

I'm very glad I talked to him.

Puppy

[lost_in_space]

MC, H4U and PDT

Thanks for stopping by guys.

H4U, I definitely hear what you are saying about OMW. It is, for the most part, strictly business. I say "for the most part" because we have been "talking" about what each of us wants to do in our respective sitches but what each of us struggle with. We both want the same things from our respective S, but are struggling with trust. I do hear what you are saying - it could be very easy to think the "let's show them - meet me at such and such a place for the weekend". Won't go there. And remember, she is 1200 miles away - that helps. Her comment to me was "it is helpful to talk to someone who is going through the same thing". Maybe it's kind of like this board but on a 1 to 1 basis.

IF (and yes, based on past experience, it is a big IF) the A will finally crumble, my next decision is what / if to tell the K's. I actually don't think the "if" comes into play, especially if W proceeds down the D path. I already opened that door a bit with D16. She had made the comment to me earlier that things were not that good between W and I even before this year. True - we had gotten wrapped up in the "schedule" that we lost each other. BUT we had realized this and knew there was work to do. I mentioned this to D16 and then also mentioned that things really fell to crap in 2008 and the work on it stopped. So the door is open to have further discussions. THO!!!!!!! (Truth, Honesty and Openness). OR maybe even a better acronym would be HOT... I like that one!

Back to reality. S13 wants to put Christmas lights on the house today. Not really in a festive mood, but if the K's want that, I am for it. Act as if...

One thing I noticed last night - I have a VERY clingy D11 right now. My sister and BIL and nephew were here last night. We all played Rock Band for a while. Lots of places to sit while waiting to play, but D11 has to sit on my knee. My little sweetie knows how to pick here dear old dad up without really trying...

[carpenter54]

If you guys have been keeping up with my sitch...I blurted out my Ws affair to my kids.....no details...no names....I have been enduring the pain of this whole thing since June...while my W walks around "unscathed"....if that makes any sense. She would thell the kids she doesn't love me anymore or couldn't forgive me for stuff. Her family knows, my famiy knows, most of our friends, some people she works with and now my kids know....and she still barely blinks an eye..

[Tawnya]

Hmm..you guys have given me some stuff to think about as far as my son, 12, goes..he knows about dad being unhappy but I didn't mention this OW to him..now my daughter, 17, knows and we talk about it sometimes..

{{Lost}} Hope putting up the lights puts you in a festive mood..was curious..could you come by and put up my lights too? LOL..just kidding..it's pouring here today so not a good day for that!

Tawnya

[lost_in_space]

Hey all. Things are nice at home with S13 and D11. Got the lights up yesterday - K's are glad.

Had a loooooong chat with s, a friend going through her own M issues. W had chatted to her a lot. s can't believe what W has to be unhappy with. She also thinks that W will come crawling back at some point. Not putting much stock in that but nice to hear. She helped me and hopefully I helped her with her stuff.

Just wanted to check in and let you know I am still around.

[whatdidido]

Was wondering how you were doing. I would think that some things are setting in for your wife right now. How is she acting? What is she saying?

I hope you aren't connecting with your own abc girls now!!!

This is a tough fight. You have been a strong man. Keep it up, lis!