I hope y'all don't think I meant that Tal should muzzle her feelings when dealing with her H. That isn't what I meant by controlling what they say to each other. I meant that they both need to control the choice of words used so as not to be damaging to the other person.
For example, at the Thanksgiving table with my family, my husband said something that I took as demeaning, and mean to me. I felt myself start to boil. I got so angry in just a moment's time. And I turned to him and said in a very calm voice, "That was a very ugly thing to say to me, and I'm very angry that you said that." And he apologized. I know it surprised my parents. If one of them says something the other doesn't like, they launch into a screaming match that can last an hour, followed by silence. I wasn't done with my anger at that moment, we talked about it again the next day. But at neither time did we allow it to get out of control. That is what I mean by controlling what you say to each other.
Tal can't do it alone. They need to find a way to control their words to protect the relationship together. If they went to Retrouvaille, they would learn to do it there. Without Retro they will have to find a way to control the ferocity of the arguments on their own.
