Do you know why your H didn't have D papers served to you?
Hmmm...this may be a long answer to your question...
My H left in 2/07 and 6 months later he filed the D papers. When my H left, he was very angry and went into what I would consider replay...partying, spending money, new wardrobe, changed his habits and avoiding dealing with anything. Before he left, we had just sold our home and moved in my father's house which we were going to buy (one of the many reasons for his MLC). I didn't want the house but my H did and my father was going to give us a great deal so I reluctantly agreed. About 3 months after my H left, I decided to buy another house that my kids and I would feel more comfortable in. Even though I told my H what I was going to do before I did it, he was even more angry. Also, during that time, I didn't do the best DBing (not that I am the best DBer now) because I cried and tried to reason with him. One day I was pushing for answers and asked him if he had filed the D and he told me he had but that it didn't mean anything because I hadn't been served. I told him it obviously meant something to me. Several weeks later he came to my house to tell me it was over but he couldn't do it. I finally backed off and my H started cycling. The had court appointed a "case management conference" about 7 months after my H had filed...he continue it...and the next one...and the next one...and the last one in Sept. he didn't show up or even call in for so they dismissed the D. I was never served. My H and I have now been in MC since April and the C has stated to me that my H is more afraid of losing me than I am of losing him...BUT my H still struggles with recommitting to the M...and that is where we are now.
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I'm going to guess that MLCers don't really know what they want?
I would agree with this statement in the early stages of MLC but I am going to go out on a limb here...I believe that as my H has evolved through the MLC, he has figured out what is right and what he wants. He just can't trust himself to go there. As I told my H (who is an attorney) on Thanksgiving when he was trying to figure out what to do for the day, I said "You can argue both sides to any case". I believe that when my H dropped the bomb, he worked so hard to convince himself that I was the bad guy to relieve his guilt. Slowly he is discovering that he does really love me and our M is not the source of his problems. But now he not only struggles with letting go of all the bad things he convinced himself that I had done, he also has decided he is likes living alone and not having to be accountable to anyone.
Sorry if I rambled. Hopefully it will make sense to someone out there. This was helpful to me to write out since I am struggling tonight. I haven't heard from my H since Thursday night.
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You seem to have yourself totally together & project so much confidence.
Thanks for the encouragement...I feel like I am anything but confident. That is something I am working on.
