Be at peace and know that God's love and His plan will make it's way straightways to you. Be prayerful. Read Paul's Love verse in 1Cor and work on applying it. You have worked incredibly hard to take the "high road" and be a better person. If you need to stop and catch your breath ..fine. Just don't slide backwards. It is oh so tempting and difficult to not resort to sliding to the level of our WAS's. Hug those precious kids of your's. I can not even tell you how much I miss giving and receiving hugs from my DD15. I pass by her town in the airplane every single night and wave and blow her a kiss and that is all I can do for now. ....Now to return to a happy and not so painful thought.
It is so good to have you and Dan to pray for each day. I am happy that I got attached to that idea w/ the Lord's prodding. It is so reinforcing to me in my prayer consistency. That is taking a negative and turning it into something really positive. God has a way of doing that each and every time.
May the sun shine in your heart at all hours. Be lifted up by our incredibly loving God. Follow the paths that He lights for you. Have an awesome weekend just as you deserve. Prayers and peace to you and the family.
i need to start another thread instead of babbling in other's. I think my newcomers days are over haha. I could always land here in Seperated ..it is remotely appropriate. We are in one of those cool off periods in the cycle ..I suppose. She must have feared she was getting to close and was losing control or something. So she dropped me like a cold and slimey fish yesterday after telling me that she would be seeing me. She has a way of "double-booking" me and then doing the zero communication thing about it all. Oh well..she will eventually trip and stumble without me and then need my loving care to help brush her off. I usually use those ocassions to brush her off so thoroughly that she winds up with no clothes on ..oh me oh my.
must be going now. thanks for the available space BobbiJo. No rental charge ..right??
No rental charge tomato, and I am reading the devotional every day.
Guys, H doesn't want us to do Thanksgiving as a family. He did, when we talked last month, he wanted us to do all celebrations "as a family", no matter if we separated. But then he didn't go to my family Thanksgiving. So if being the bigger person means I go to every event he ever has for his family and he goes to nothing of mine, where does that leave me? Giving his family the impression that everything is just fine, when it isn't....
Now it sounds like I am being a selfish brat for not going to his Thanksgiving, the way you say it.....
I agree with all the others who say to stop letting Dan drive the relationship. To say he is going in the wrong direction, or in circles, is an understatement. It's your life. But I guarantee his parents will take it the way I see it. You are snubbing them on a holiday. At the least, if it were me, I would call and put an end to the pretense. Tell them what is going on, and that you would like to be with them for Thanksgiving, but you are honoring their son's wishes, even though you disagree with him.
Well he just told me 20 minutes ago, I could go if I wanted to go. I asked if he was going to my niece's birthday tomorrow (my sis' girl; he went to his sis' girl's party Thursday, I consider them both equally my nieces). He said he wasn't planning to go to niece's party tomorrow (my family)....
Just don't want to be tit for tat but don't want to be a pushover either, making his life easier...
He doesn't want to go to your family's events because he has been a s*thead to you, and he doesn't want to face people who know that about him. Like an ostrich, he thinks he if doesn't see the people who disagree with him, they no longer exist. You, on the other hand, have no reason to hide from his family. You are married and know you are married. He is pretending he is free, and single, and has no responsibilities. Just because he does wrong, doesn't mean you should answer him tit for tat. Yes, go to events for the family, because whether he likes it or not, you are in the family, and you have been invited.
thanks ..i figured my tab might be good enough ..lol.
Originally Posted By: BBJ
and I am reading the devotional every day.
but, you didn't answer my original Q. I guess you went with the subconscious reason for why YOU thought that I was asking the Q. I am glad to see you are reading it. But don't treat me like I am your pastor trying to probe you through questions like that, LOL. Try to make a U-turn from reading to much into things other than books and the like. Trying to read into people's intentions and what not will only overtax your mind and leave you more exhausted than you already probably are. Attempt to steer clear of that.
Originally Posted By: BBJ
So if being the bigger person means I go to every event he ever has for his family and he goes to nothing of mine, where does that leave me? Giving his family the impression that everything is just fine, when it isn't....
Comparatively speaking, between you and Dan, everything is fine with you. You are no where near as plagued with a "disease" the likes of the one he unfortunately has been unable to shake until now. The devil has a strangle hold on him. Pity his whole being and soul. Think 1Cor 13!
Originally Posted By: BBJ
Now it sounds like I am being a selfish brat for not going to his Thanksgiving, the way you say it.....
How dare you read my mind like that ..LMAO. We all can be that way. That is the 'broad road' and not 'the narrow path'.
I am enjoying the devotional, it gives me a sense of focus on my thoughts/prayers for the day...
I went today, because I love Dan's grandparents. I have no living grandparents on my side of the family. And I love his aunt and uncle, his uncle and I have always gotten along really well. In fact, his uncle tells me often that he likes me better than his other nieces (Dan's sisters).
It was tough, though, being there but not feeling like I was really a part of things. I played cards with Dan, Uncle Bob (my buddy), SIL, FIL, and my niece. Dan made a point of not wanting me on his team ( ) but he would have done that anyway, he gets annoyed with me when we play pitch if I don't play as well as him...
Anyway I was very helpful, cleared plates at dinner and dessert, talked to everyone, hugged and thanked his grandparents, etc. etc. Other than the fact that Dan and I didn't speak to each other (actually I said something to him a couple times and he either nodded or grunted), it probably looked "normal".
I don't think I will do it for Christmas, though. It is getting difficult to act 'as if' with everyone...
OK I don't know why but for some reason tonight i am losing it, have been losing it for a couple days now to be honest. I have been much angrier/snappier with my kids these past few days. Not today, today I was very loving, kind, patient with them b/c I know it is wrong to let my anger/anxiety loose on them, but I feel guilty I was short with them on Wed. especially.
Tonight I just feel like I hate my husband. This morning I wanted to punch him in the face. Like, repeatedly. It is so not good to have him in the house. It is a constant reminder that here is this guy who loved me, married me, spent 1/2 my life with me and now he is just deciding he is tired of trying so, what's done is done, oh well.....it gets me so very angry.
I tried not to act like it bothered me this morning, but it bothered me very much about not going to his family Thanksgiving. I had so much I wanted to get done instead today (update banking, clean, put away fall decorations, etc), but I also wanted to be at the gathering. But I wanted to be there as his WIFE.....not co-parent.
I did pretty well at the gathering, we were there for almost 7 full hours, lots of time with family who love and care about me. When we got home, I figured since today was H's day he would have the kids. I went right down to computer to update checking. Haven't caught up entering statements into Quicken software, only up to mid-May...
So S falls asleep on the way home, I put him right to bed. Then D is upstairs with Daddy. I hear him turn on football. D comes down to "help" me and spends her time sitting behind me getting her doll's comb stuck in my hair repeatedly...I love her to pieces but I wanted to get some work done.
At ten after nine I take her upstairs and ask H when he wants her to go to bed. He says, whenever I want her to go...I told him I thought it was his evening with her since I would have her all day tomorrow....He got defensive and said fine, I went and got her pajamas. Came out to dress her and he was grimacing. I said, "What's wrong?" he said, "I have a really bad headache." I said, "No problem, then, I will put her to bed."
H got more pissy, "No you wanted me to do it..." I said, "Yes, but you said you had a headache, so I wanted to be helpful" He basically snorted/eye rolled at my helpful comment....Took her into our bed to read.
Then he said he's going to go to Atlantic (1 hr away) after she is asleep to get his tractor. The weather was rain/snow mix on the way home from the party, so he said he couldn't do it until tomorrow. I said WTF how can you do it in the middle of the night? He said, "I will be home in 3 hrs" I said, but the weather is bad, he said, "It will be worse tomorrow..."
Then he went on a rant about how I say I want to be helpful but this morning when he said he was running to Atlantic I said, "No, you can't" (What I said was, If you are going to get the kids up, dressed, fed, ready to go to the party, and make your party foods you said you would make, how do you have time? B/C I didn't want him using me to make everything easier for him, for him to take off to Atlantic, show up in time to leave for the party, and have me get it all ready and send him off without me (I thought I wasn't going))
Then he said, "Later I said I would go and get my big truck so I could take the kids to the party and you said No". Honestly I can't remember what that was about, again I think it had something to do with the timing and what else he needed to do before he left for the party, I honestly can't remember what that was about.
So now he is upstairs with D in our bed, the bed he won't get in with me, reading to her and putting her to bed. The one thing I want most in the world is to be married to him and raising our kids together, to be a team together, yet I find myself almost hating him at times. So angry that he is f'ing up our marriage. That whole thing about remove the plank in your eye before you look at the speck in someone else's....he keeps picking out the most random things I say/do and throwing them back at me as reasons we "just won't work"....or how "nothing ever changes".
Like I did 97 things right today but the 3 things I did wrong=impossible to be married. What an ass.........
Sorry for the long rant, I feel calmer now. I just reallllllly need to work on my detaching skills if he thinks he can keep sleeping here. (His sis is at his mom's until Monday, he claims he can't stay out there now b/c she is there).
) but he would have done that anyway, he gets annoyed with me when we play pitch if I don't play as well as him...