lwb, S4 will act in the same way. If I say, "Ok, time to get ready for Dad. He's coming to pick you guys up," S4 will say he doesn't want to go with Daddy. Sometimes it's just for a few hours, so I'll tell him it's only for a little while. S4 then says, "Then we're coming back here (home)?" I say yes, then he smiles and says, "Yay!!!" S12 has exhibited the same sort of feelings as well.
GF: Yep!!! Totally to the above!!! Home is here, with me.
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I go from having this beautiful sense of forgiveness and acceptance to reeling with the sense of injustice that one guy can wreak so much havoc on every possible aspect of what was the life we shared as a family.
Yup. That is me, before 8am too.
Took my close friend out for her birthday tonight. She is 38. My friends and I laughed because I swear we just went out for our round of 21st birthdays, and here we are! We decided we all look the same as we did then. It was a super nice time. I came home in time to put the girls to sleep. While I love getting out, I only have 3 nights to put them to bed (because of work), so I really feel torn. And I realized when I got home (even thought I grumbled to myself leaving the bar/restaurant and my friends behind) that home is where I wanted to be, with the 2 princesses falling asleep next to me.
LWB - sounds like, all in all, you've had a blessed few days. I was SO happy to have my kids with me! My two are a bit older, and look forward to seeing their father - they come to an age where being "fair" is very, very important to them. It will happen, especially with the way the two of you are getting along as parents.
It makes me wonder...I have no contact with X except email. It is what has had to be, but I don't pretend to know what it will look like in the future. Do you think it was easier to have some sort of "friendship" with him, when the OW fell out of the picture? Doesn't look like my X's gf is going anywhere anytime soon...
Do you think it was easier to have some sort of "friendship" with him, when the OW fell out of the picture? Doesn't look like my X's gf is going anywhere anytime soon...
I've thought about this, too Donna. I think it is much easier especially when there are smaller children involved. ow in my stich likes to give stbx all kinds of "parenting advice". So, here's the problem - this woman committed adultery with my husband and she is now influencing my child. How can you not be affected emotionally by that??
I've been thinking about what my divorce would look like if the ow didn't still have her claws in.. Things would look very different in my world.. I'm sure of it.
Do you think it was easier to have some sort of "friendship" with him, when the OW fell out of the picture?
Yes, Donna, so much easier. I don't think I would be this way if xH and OW were together. I would have SO many issues with the girls being around her and the kids, playing happy family. She is not a good mother (xH realized this as well when the fog wore off) and I would have problems. And yes, problems with keeping it peaceful with xH as well. Big time.
xH is seeing someone. She has the same name as D4. So cute. Not. But he says they are just friends. Mmmmhmmmm...I told him "Forgive me, but I have been burned by the friend thing in the past" and left it at that. He has introduced the girls to her (as his friend), going against all we have discussed and settled on. I am listening to Sally M when she texts me and just simply says "At least its not ____ (OW)". So true. This new woman started seeing xH at the time of the divorce (or close enough for xH to justify it), and as long as she is nice to my girls, I have to be good with it. This woman was not my friend first, or a friend of our marriage. This woman (please Lord!) is not married.
So, that's my long answer. The short answer is yes. I would have a much harder time if xH was with OW, for so many reasons.
S13 just stopped home to get his uniform; there is a scout ceremony today that we didn't know about. He came in and told me that the whole bunch of them had gone up to the tree farm that we had used for 8 years to pick out their tree. Now he and his dad were going to the ceremony. Where is D9, I asked? Oh, she stayed at the house...
I am disheartened (I can't think of another word for it)....D9 could have come with the two of them, stayed with me for the ceremony and then be picked back up. Yes, it is probably only an hour or two. He would have to drive across town again to get her. But I am bothered (again, there has to be a better word) that D is alone with the skank and her kids.
And I don't know what I am going to do about it. I don't think there is anything I can do, really... MIL came in, noticed that D wasn't here, and just said that there are some things I'll have to get used to, even if I don't like it.
It is definately hard when ow steps into this weird, pseudo wife role.. as if she is you or could replace you.. YUCK!
The way I see it, though, is that HE is missing out on a heck of a lot of good family and friend stuff, too. In fact, I like to think that stbx is missing out on a lot more than me..
Maybe that's just denial but, I like to think my life is better and more fun
Hey lwb, its Jeff, looking at other post, Surviving the Big D stood out because that's were I'm headed. Then what did I see its lwb
I'm reading a number of post here, to gain some insight as to how do I deal with STBX
If I had my way she would disappear from the face of the earth, but I know that's not going to happen and I have to deal with her for the rest of my life.
Does it ever get better lwb ??? I'm always anxious when I'm around her.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
Donna, I totally understand what you mean about having a hard time. Heck, when xH and OW were playing happy family with their kids, xH was telling me about how D4 (when she was potty training) kept having to use the potty at the pool that summer. I said "Oh that must have been hard to pull D6 out of the pool each time to take D4 potty". He looked ashamed and I said "You didn't take her out of the pool, did you? You let OW watch D6 while you took D4 potty?". He was busted. I was fuming!!! And that was just a tiny thing compared to what you and many others have to deal with!
Oh and I guarantee your OW's xH is the same way. OW's H said he came home one day and his daughter said "Daddy! I finally went down the waterslide!" OW's H said "Wow. You've never done that before!" and his daughter said "Well, the only reason that I did it was 'cuz Mr ____ (my xH) caught me at the bottom!" That crushed him.
Olive is right though. Nothing can shake our MOM status. Nothing.
JeffSTL, how was that snow this morning!!??? I am in my office so can't see, but I am assuming its already gone.
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Does it ever get better lwb ??? I'm always anxious when I'm around her.
It gets better. I go back and forth all the time, but it does get better!
I can only imagine how gf's X sees my XH. He told our mutual friend recently that her kids "are being much more respectful to their mother, no that he is making them." She came right out and said you can't make someone respect someone else - they have to demand it themselves, teach others how they want to be treated.
I would guess that her D15 really hates that right about now. And he is living with those girls full-time (their dad has visitation only every other weekend at this point).
Or maybe he doesn't care - the kids were very bratty and needy, so it might just be a relief for him! Poor things have no idea what normal boundaries are (color me surprised).
I had a friend who emailed back and forth with me last night, commiserating. She dealt with the OW for 5 years, and he kids were tiny (2 and only 4 months) when they started to have to visit, and she was awful to them. Just told me that karma will come around...nothing that started so full of deceit and pain could end up being good. But that is beside the point - I just have to remember that I am MOM, that I have most of the time with them, and most of the influence. My kids know that they can call me, night or day, and I will talk to them. If they feel uncomfortable in a given situation, I will go get them, wherever they are, no questions asked. All I can do, is all I can do....
I guess you're out of work so you know the snow is gone, not much this time, kids want to put up Christmas lights today, I don't know because its really cold today
Yeah, I do the same, (up and down), just want W STBX to go away far far away and leave me and the kids alone.
I miss a lot of being married, doing things for each other, the daily interactions, being close, etc. I'm not looking forward to dating again.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
It was a super nice time. I came home in time to put the girls to sleep. While I love getting out, I only have 3 nights to put them to bed (because of work), so I really feel torn. And I realized when I got home (even thought I grumbled to myself leaving the bar/restaurant and my friends behind) that home is where I wanted to be, with the 2 princesses falling asleep next to me. 