Life in the Rough - No Golf in Snow

[kelaaron]

Yes it will be a good thing I think. For you.

[Neilh23]

oh Hope. i'm so sorry you've been struggling lately. I've been nonexistent a little bit on your thread....i'm really sorry. I'm glad to see you got some closure, but it sounds like it was at a great cost......that's too bad.....

i'm here for you darlin......you keep fightin the good fight!

[Babygirl]

hey namesake, i am proud of you for email the owh. good for you. it will help you.

thought of you tonite, it was snowing. saw 18 deer tonite!
i tried to call today, hope you are ok.
love you

[kelaaron]

Ok y'all, no snow in Florida yet. Just cold weather. Go outside and blow toward the South please. LOL.

Hope, you can do this. Here is dumb question. Have you thougth about what you are going to do with H now? Now that you know for sure, do you still want to remain M? With your prior history, I was just curious how this has changed things, or if it has at all?

Have a great day sweetie. Up extra early with my coffee this am. Probably be on my second pot by the time you join me.

[Babygirl]

morning sweetie, huge snowflakes falling, not sticking tho, but pretty, omg see I have lost it, i actually was disappointed it didnt stick. man, i have lost my mind.

thinking of you my dear.

[1hope]

Hello all. Thanks for calling BG. Very bad night and I just couldn't get on before now.

I guess you could say MT that I had my margarita night, except it was martinis. I did go Christmas shopping for several hours in the afternoon and saw that my FIL was at the pub as I drove home. I went in to have one and a girlfriend and her h were in there and they bought me a second one. Then somehow I had a third and I guess that was not a good idea. The first thing in the door H asked if I knew anything about his gun. He was cleaning his muzzle loader and had it in the stand set up on the kitchen counter. The scope and the barrel were bent and he was very angry. Ooops! The morning of the bomb I was trying to hold my insides together and still get the house together for our Thanksgiving company. H had asked me to vacuum the rear entry way which is also our laundry room. His hunting gear is all over everywhere and he keeps leaving his weapon of the moment leaning up against the back door frame. I knocked it over while I was running the sweeper, and then tripped and stepped on the scope. I knew that he was going to be mad. I was already mad and hurt because of what he has just told me. I think I stepped on it a second time and then picked it up by the barrel and propped it back against the door frame....probably a bit harder than I should have. I was angry, and what I really just wanted to do is load the damn thing, drive across town and shoot the bee!tch in the crotch. Instead, I resighted the gun for him! lol. I then I forgot all about it. Until I came home from my after shopping cocktails and he was mad and hollering at me. I tried to explain how I had knocked it over with the sweeper and then tripped on it, but he wasn't having any of that. Hurt and anger fueled by the martinis got the better of me and I swept the whole gun, stand and cleaning box off from the counter and onto the floor. Big crash! Then I went out the front door, got in my car and drove away. I went over to my MIL & SIL's house and cried for at least 3 hours. My BIL brought out the beer and I kept drinking and crying. Eventually I called my S25 and he came and picked me up and took me back to his apartment. He gave me another few beers and I remember a shot of something, and I kept crying. Eventually I must have fallen asleep because I woke up on his couch this morning covered up in a quilt. My eyes are so swolen from all the crying, my cheeks are chapped pink from the tears. But I guess I'm about cried out for awhile.

S took me back to get my car and then followed me home. H was not there, he had gone to get his hair cut. S. picked up all of the gun stuff and put it back in box and he put the gun back in the stand. I then took the gun from the stand and slipped it under the couch. S. stayed for awhile, but left before his StepD came home.

[1hope]

H came home and we eventually did some talking. H said that he understands my anger, but says that I cannot damage his things. That's fair, and I apologized for the gun. I know that I should not have had the martinis, I should not have pushed the gun and all of the stuff onto the floor. I just never thought that the pain would be so very intense and consuming. I think I did pretty good holding thigs together for 36 hours before I imploded. The visions of them being together run before my eyes every time I close them. I want to throw up.

[1hope]

Just wanted to thank you all for your kind wishes, love and suppport. I don't know what I would do with out you.

H is hunting. I probably won't be on when he comes home, but please know that things will be ok. I'll try to get on tomorrow and then give you an update.

[MT35]

Hey Hope, i am sorry. I understand the drinking and the breaking things...the flashlight for me was what I through. I think you did great getting through Thanksgiving after just finding out what you did. It is so hard for all of us right now. I think you handled yourself well when you guys talked today. I can't blame for any of your reactions!!! Take care. Love you!

[1hope]

Thanks MT. I went to your thread first this morning, and you've locked. We're sure doing that quickly these days, aren't we?

Last night was pretty calm for us. We talked some, and we did order a new muzzle loader gun for H. I told him that it would be his Christmas gift. He had been talking about wanting to upgrade anyway, so now is the time.

He is upset that I broke his other gun and he said you won't smash this new one will you. I said no. You are not going to F any other women are you? He said no. He actually told me that the voilence in my personality scares him. Ha! I told him I broke the gun so that I wouldn't take it and go downtown and march around with it threatening to kill myself like OW's H did. He didn't have a lot to say then.

I do feel like my anger is pretty much out now. I am just feeling very sad and hurt. Tired too. I went up to bed at 9 last night and he stayed down on the couch. I woke up a couple of times, even though I had taken a sleeping pill. When I got up this morning he had made coffee and was already out in the hot tub. He did set out a cup for me, but I filled it and came back upstairs with my laptop. I'm not feeling like getting naked in front of him since I've found out he's been with another woman. She is younger and thinner than me, and I just feel old, tired and betrayed. I can't even go there now to think about it much. Just want to avoid that whole situation. I really want my unbroked bond with H back. sob.