Wife is having an Affair with another woman

[marriedCrazy]

I think she's still needing space to get over the A. She probably still doesn't trust you yet; that things will not go back to the way they were before she left.

Give her the space she wants and keep working on making Garry a better Garry; the one she was attracted to in the beginning of your relationship. Time is still your ally while she's wanting to hold off on the divorce.

[garry1969]

I know,I am only afraid that I hold on and its still the same outcome mths down the road.
It seems she is very genuine though about what she needs right now and that she needs to figure out what she want in life.

[marriedCrazy]

Garry, you cannot worry about what the outcome is going to be months down the road; because if it's still D, then you will have wasted time getting Garry back to a better person.

She's going to make her decision on this with or without you; trust me. If she sees that you are a much stronger, more improved Garry; the chances that the outcome you seek is going to be greater.

Now don't waste time worrying over something that you cannot control. Reclaim your life; and let your W decide. She is the one deciding anyway; give her something to think about.

[garry1969]

Probably best advice I gotten in months.

[garry1969]

What do I make of this.
On Saturday evening my wife calls me and says,oh btw Daughter is spending the night at a friends house and we start a conversation.(I could tell her telling me where daughter spend the night was a way to call me and start a convo).
She tells me she at the laundromat doing her laundry and how hard her day was at work and she is ery tired. Then she asks me is SAW V playing still in the movies. I do a quick check online while I talk to her and tell her no. She goes too bad would of been nice if we could of go se that tonight. We talk about all kinds of things,with me making sure I dont bring any relationship or affair issues up. As she gets to her place she says damn I forgot to get me a cookie and cream shake from Jack in Box. I go oh you want me to go get it and bring it to you. She goes no that wouldnt be fair.I told her no problem and was on my way getting it without telling her. We continued talking as I drive to get it. I ask her as I was in the drive thru does she want anything else and she goes oh you getting i and I say of course. She goes no just the shake. I bring it to her and get me one too.
Knock on the door and she opens and lets me in and says oh you got you one too. I say yeah wanted to see what the fuzz is about. We talk some more and my wife started flirting with me while we were watching TV. Needless to say we had sex that night and my wife gave me a Hugg and said Good Night. I drove home only stay 5 minutes from her with a smile.
The next day she calls me and aks do I want to go XMAS Shopping for our daughter. We went shopping and had an awesome time and spend Sunday together from noon till about 8pm. I drove her home and she said good night.
Now here it is Monday how do I act and what do I do this was so fast and unexpected that I dont want to mess this up please give me some advice I been known to open my big mouth and say the wrong things.

I hope I didnt ramble all over the place in this and you can understand

[garry1969]

Any advice!!!!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She tells me she at the laundromat doing her laundry and how hard her day was at work and she is ery tired. Then she asks me is SAW V playing still in the movies. I do a quick check online while I talk to her and tell her no.

RESCUING.

She goes too bad would of been nice if we could of go se that tonight.

Should have said something like "Sounds like fun. Look, I hate to cut you off, but I have to go (fill in GAL stuff here). Talk to you later!"

We talk about all kinds of things ...

WHY?? I thought you were trying to detach, and distance yourself from her???

As she gets to her place she says damn I forgot to get me a cookie and cream shake from Jack in Box. I go oh you want me to go get it and bring it to you. She goes no that wouldnt be fair.I told her no problem and was on my way getting it without telling her.

RESCUING -- and PURSUING.

We continued talking as I drive to get it. I ask her as I was in the drive thru does she want anything else and she goes oh you getting i and I say of course. She goes no just the shake. I bring it to her

PLACATING.

We talk some more and my wife started flirting with me while we were watching TV.

WARNING! GET OUT! GET OUT FAST! ABORT MISSION!!!

Needless to say we had sex that night and my wife gave me a Hugg and said Good Night.

Too late. Ugh.

I drove home only stay 5 minutes from her with a smile.

I'm glad you had a good time. I know you probably need it. It also ISN'T helpful, and likely set you back. You've got to get your emotions in check around her, and if you can't, then don't allow yourself to be alone around her for awhile.

We went shopping and had an awesome time and spend Sunday together from noon till about 8pm. I drove her home and she said good night.
Now here it is Monday how do I act and what do I do this was so fast and unexpected that I dont want to mess this up please give me some advice I been known to open my big mouth and say the wrong things.

Garry, that depends on what you want to accomplish. Do you want her to want you again, as a husband, or do you want to be her gay boyfriend?

I know that's harsh, but she's doing a few things here, as i see it:

1) Trying to "normalize" her adulterous relationship -- to make it "OK" with you.

2) She misses your friendship

3) She possibly misses you sexually

4) She's playing you; quite literally, having her cake and eating it too.

What DO you want to accomplish at this point???

I'm sorry to be blunt, but I'm in a hurry and saw that you were looking for some advice.

Puppy

[garry1969]

I know you not the first one to tell me that she is cake eating with me.i cant get out of that trap.Its like she got me wrapped around her finger.I dont know what to do now.Havent talked to her since sunday.Afraid to make a mistake.
I appreciate the adice and thank you very much its what I needed to help me out a little bit

[Superstar]

i cant get out of that trap.Its like she got me wrapped around her finger.I dont know what to do now.Havent talked to her since sunday.Afraid to make a mistake.

Total and 100% non-contact with her is the only way I was able to begin my detachment. Sure, it will likely push her further into the OM (or OW in your case) arms, but as long as they are involved in an active A, you are just spitting into the wind anyway. Worry a lot less about her, and a lot more about you.

Don't be rude, just don't be available. At all.

[Phoenixdeux]

Personally Garry I think you should go with the flow on this. She's pursuing you to some degree and I DO NOT think that you need to go all dark and mysterious on her. What you did was fine. Keep accepting when she asks if you want to do things. Keep being a loving guy. The affair is over and she's chasing...there is no cake eating involved. This is what people do when they are interested.