Snodderly & MWG... Thank you so much...I really needed those words of wisdom...
H called this morning and apparently he was texting D16 heavily and he wanted to call and talk to her but she didn't want to talk to him...told him that and told him she didn't want to see him either...laid it on him...said she feels like he comes over out of duty..and not because he loves them....OMG....my poor baby...so off we go to Brothers house...then back home and I'm doing pictures of the family...should be fun...
I thought the same thing about him trying to put the guilt on me but I set him straight on the phone...I told he if he really wanted to see and talk to the kids to get in his car and drive over here and see them...and the court case...wow...he doesnt appear worried at all....He said he hasnt' said much cause he doesnt want me to hurt and cry....I said, "too late, i'm already hurt and it does hurt"...then he's going to drop the D bomb on me...someone save me...geez....
As for my MIL being upset that I haven't called well. I emailed her this morning to explain why I can't call at this time...maybe in time I can but right now I was sorry...that I loved them and it has nothing to do with them...
And last year I did the same thing MWG....we said prayer and I got up went to the bathroom and just broke down....it was awful...my MIL picked up on it and came in the bathroom..this was way before I even knew about the kid....
Thank you all for keeping me sane...
(((hugs)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I just go on the computer. I am sorry I couldn't be of help this morning. I think MWG and Snodderly gave you the best advise. Have a good day with your family. Let your H do what ever he has to do. It's his problem, let him handle it.
As far as him saying the "D" word my h said it too but it doens't mean that it is going to happen!
Happy Thanksgiving Treese, to you and yours. You are in my prayers!
Well I MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY!! WOOHOOO! and I didn't cry during dinner or last night...I'm so proud of myself....
Went to dinner at my brothers, laughed alot there...D21 went to BF's grandmas...but it was good..D16 came to me yesterday morning wanting me to do her makeup....I love doing that...she is so beautiful....
Got home from the festivities and I did our family portraits...I took 75 pics...lol...my kids and I were laughing so hard....now that is something my H will never get to see...my kids were loving towards each other...and there was no fighting about what we were going to do....and I got some awesome pictures...and I will replace the old one that has H in it...that's what my children want....
We ended up going down to see my mom cause D21 didn't get to see her.....we all piled in D21's car and rode down...even the dog...LOL....we visited, came home and I went to bed. What a beautiful day it turned out to be even if H tried to spoil it...we didn't let it....
More memories that I will have and he won't.....
I did kind of take pleasure in knowing that he is not having our home cooked meal complete with my wedding soup....he had a store bought dinner....mmmmmmmm....now that sounds yummy.....
Thanks for always being here for me everyone...MAH
Last edited by Treese; 11/28/0812:45 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
See, I knew you would get thru it just fine. You will be alright.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese, I'm very happy to see that you and your family had a great time on Thanksgiving. New memories, new photos. You'll look back on those memories and photos in the years to come and realize that you were/are a very weathly woman because of your family and friends. The wealth that you have cannot compare to money in any form. Enjoy the time you spend w/your family and friends.
About your h and his store bought meal....most likely he ate soup. He's at that stage where he doesn't want to be around family holidays and enjoy the fesitivities that are shared. He's in a hole of doing the self punishment right now. So, let him stay there for he's the one that is losing out right now.
Enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend. I knew you could do it w/the help of your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
D21 is leaving this a.m... :(....I will miss her but she will be back before Christmas.. Yesterday was another slap in the face....can't I just have one weekend to breathe...
H said he was coming over to spend time with the kids....well..he came about 2 and was sitting on the couch with S11 while I finished the tree...no words were exchanged....D16 was packing clothes to go to a friends...when I told her her dad was coming she said, "I need to get out of here...I feel weird around him now since I texted him on how I feel"...well, D16, D21, her boyfriend and I sat in the kitchen forever while H was in the living room with son...the girls didn't want to be around him....but we were laughing in the kitchen...I'm sure he heard us but never said anything...
I went and took a shower and said I was going out...I looked hot...lol....left at 5:15....at 9:45 I get a text from H saying he worked out a budget and he needs me too look over it so he can take it to court on Thursday...I called him and said how did you pay for the Attorney? He said he signed over his expense check and a bonus check....I said, "we are struggling and you are hiding money"....he said, "I have to be represented"...ok, fine....
He then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't think she is doing this to be vindictive....WTF...I said, "take your F****** blinders off"...she most certainly is....that good person you say she is, she isn't .....I called her a B****....so then he said, "well, she probably figures we are far enough along in our divorce that she wanted to get her share"..her family is doctors, she has her own house, money in the bank...etc...get my drift here... He said, "well, you would want me to pay for our kids"....no kidding, I've been MARRIED to you for 24 years....
Someone please tell me what in the world he is thinking....
Then he told me that he might get a second job to help pay for stuff...like his divorce...so he will not be able to take my son on any weekends either....
Then, I said, dont' you miss D21...he said, "yes but she wont talk to me", what else can I do....I can't freak out about it cause I have to work"....
So, I got home last night and D21 saw me crying and I was explaining what was going on....I said to her, "he is your dad, he does love you"...she said, "I don't care...I have nothing to say to him....we'll be fine without him in our lives, I"ve already accepted that..." she was ticked off at him....
Folks,I now he is hurting, I know he is sad...I even said that to him...I said, "I'm sorry the girls won't talk...I wish there was something I could do"...I got no response....CAUSE HE'S NOT SORRY!
I guess this will put a huge strain on he and OW...ohhhh, so sorry....he's not going to have much time for her at all....The green grass is starting to look brown....or as my brother says, "he's lost in the Tall grass".....
I guess reality hits on Thursday....H says he can appeal, that he doesn't have to agree with what she wants....OMG....someone smack him in the head.....that the county figures are not written in stone...WTF? so he also thinks thats going to be the case when we get D.....that he deserves to live....and I will not get as much as I think....his words....not mine....
Advice anyone...besides I'm screwed.....
and I still love him....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....I did tell H I must be really stupid......
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Naej....when you're Italian there's no recipe...its all by the gallon....LOL!! I could feed the neighborhood....LOL...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm sorry you are having a tough time with all of this. It's understandable. I also understand how your children feel as well. They look at their dad and see a man who lied and cheated on their mother and right now, really doesn't want to be bothered w/any of them or you. Your h will have to work it out w/them at some point. There's nothing you can do about it. They must find a way to get along, just like children who have disagreements. Your h will either figure it out or he will lose them entirely, but that's on him, not you.
I'm going to play a bit of devil's advocate w/you today.
About the mother of the child. To be quite honest w/you, I have to wonder where she's been all of this time. I'm not making excuses for her, but maybe she saw your h cheating on you once again and felt it was time to step up to the plate and make him own up to the child and his previous cheating. She may feel he needs to step up to the plate and do something for the child he's never supported and yes, he's at the age where things are getting a bit more expensive. Your h helped to create this child and he should be assisting in the support of this child as well. It is not the child's fault that he is here on this earth. He didn't ask to be born; however, he is here and his father needs to be supportive of him.
On the other hand, the ow, may have some financial difficulties now and has been in contact w/your h and is fully aware that you are in the middle of divorce proceedings. She could very well see this as an opportunity to go for the gold and get what she can from him for walking out on her and leaving her w/their child. No one really knows what is going through her head. All we can do is put the best interest of the child first.
As for the budget, thoroughly look it over and do not be afraid to speak up if it's not enough for you and your children to live on. Your h will definitely need to work several jobs to support all of his children and assist you w/the bills, etc., as well. At least he's looking at what he's going to need to do to keep things going.
Treese, I know that what I've posted isn't what you wanted to hear today, but the fact is, your h cheated a long time ago and is now having to pay for the consequences of his actions. Yes, he's even creating enough mess that you and your family are involved as well. When dealing with the financial aspects of your situation, look at them as a business deal, do not allow your emotions to rule your thinking. You are going to have to stay cool, calm and collected for what may be coming down the pike in the weeks to come in regards to child support for the ow's child.
I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you. I'm truly sorry that you are having to deal with your h's mistakes time and again. I do hope the holiday season will be much better once this hearing has taken place.
Hugs!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
