MT-The Santa Clause, my favorite movie, well one of them. I just love Christmas. I think BG is right that he wants you to ask him to come back. Probably.
I'll say this about it though. Unless you are willing to be the wife who accepts and allows the mistress on the side, I wouldn't do it yet. There are plenty of women who can and do do that. H's GF had plenty of GF and there was no secret to it. When he lost his liscense for DUI, he would have his daughter drive him to GF house. Everyone knew. You have read alot of the history there, did it really sound like a happy place to be? But enough said about that. Only you know and I don't think you want to be that woman for the rest of your life.
So keep doing what you are doing. He is uncertain of how you feel about him right now. You changed the rules even if he was the one who left in a huff. But you've done a good job of telling him you do love him, you do want him, it is ok for him to come by and call, you have left the door open and you have explained to him why you aren't begging him to come back yet. You feel you have left the ball in his court, but he is waiting for you to serve again. I would ask him where he is staying. You already know what you think, so the answer won't be too bad if that is what it is, and you may be surprised that it isn't. Ask him if he is eating, sleeping, etc... No not great DB advice but it does show interest, concern, and love, and I think he is really confused by you not asking right now. Try not to let him see or hear you cry right now though. There is a time for that and it will be later. The goal is to have him home, with no other woman, really working on the M. He can't just come back and pretend it never happened and you can't either. In the end, I think you will have to extend the olive branch for him to return. You will know when it is time to do it. Not just out of lonliness for you or concern for how he is doing, but when it is right for the M to begin to progress. Just remember that for now, come here still with the confusion, the anger, the sadness. We will share with you. Through all of this, you have done great work, shown incredible strength and patience. You are still doing the work by getting more books whose principles you will be able to apply to any R. But you are doing the work. He is still living in a fantasy world. He has to do a little of it too.
Love you sweetie. You can do this. So any Christmas shopping done yet? I have hardly started mine. I'm usually done before Halloween LOL
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
MT-I'm so sorry for being so hard on you sometimes. But you break my heart. I listen to you talk and I hear me about 10 years ago. I did it all wrong then and that is a big part of why I am here now. Wrong in the sense that I waffled on myself. I took him back without changing any of the ground rules. With out setting boundaries. Without even really being sure that he wanted to be back. Because it hurt, I was lonely and I loved him. So that was all that mattered. When you say, he knows how to fix it, yes in a sense he does. But you have to fix it in a way that says this won't happen again and if it does these are the consequences. You have to hold you both to a higher standard in the future. And you need to be sure that it is something you both want 100%.
That is something that I have learned this time. And it is a little scary and I feel very demanding at this point in myself but I know exactly what I want and need from a man now. In no uncertain terms. And I will not accept anything less. I just don't want you to be back here in 10 years honey. So please keep that in mind as I butt into your life. LOL
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
He knows what it will take for him to come back. He isn't ready to do that. I said to him that was everything or about everything, that I want to be the only one. And I told him he could fix it. When we were at sears and we were talking about the TV. I said it would just be easier if you did not move somewhere. I didn't really say it loud, but H said it would be easier.... there was no end to the sentence it just trailed off. So he has to decide. Whatever he is going to do. I know he is still confused. I think once we go back to work and he isn't off so he isn't seeing me all the time. Maybe that will make a difference, I don't know if he will come and visit during the week or not.
Sidenote- this morning when I woke up after I had turned off my alarm and I went back to bed, I was dreaming, and I always have really weird dreams when I have gotten up and go back to bed. Anyway the only thing I remember from the dream is Believe in Homecomings. It was written on some sort of sign. So I hope that is something I can hold on to.
No Shopping yet. I am not going to do much this year for presents. H and I talked a bit yesterday about that. H said I need to save for the trip to Arizona...Then we both laughed. I am not a saver and H is!! I said well I don't want anything for Christmas, so that will save some money, No two pairs of boots this year. We were joking and H said yeah that is true. I don't exactly know how the conversation went , but I said And I am worth every penny. H joked at first and then said pretty serious. Yes you are. That did make me feel good. But I said we saved money by not going to OK city for the World show. I said see I have saved you a bunch of money! We were both laughing. It was funny. I need to find out what my mom and dad want. We talked a bit about SD24 what to get for her too. So I don't have too much to buy this year. H and I usually always got each other a lot of stuff, not this year.
Today for me it will be a surprise if we actually go back to the eye Dr. at the mall. OW is off on the weekends. I don't think she has been off during the week. So H isn't missing her when he as been with me. Although Tuesday night he was here, and last night he stayed until 6:00. But this weekend I will be curious to see if he actually does stuff with me today and watches the Chiefs with me on Sunday.
Thanks Kel, I understand what you are saying. Funny my response to you says. He knows how to fix it. I know he wants me in his life, that is obvious. I don't want to be one of many, I want the one and only. It is VERY hard, and at times I fell like peggy sue, waffleing with the sex in the movie. One day she doesn't the next she does. I am waffleing over wanting him back right now or wanting our M back. I know it will have to be different.
I don't mind the harshness, I need a kick in the ass too! One to wake up and see this isn't the life I want.
Hey guess what, you just kicked yourself in the a**! One more thing. STOP!!!!!!!!!! If he is with her right now, then he is. Stop comparing yourself with her. It is not a COMPETITION. You are MT and that is what he has to want. If you compare yourself to her too much, you will start to change in ways you don't want to.
If he decides that he can't come back, can't do it, it is not a reflection on you but an inability on his part to face you and himself. He knows he has/is making really F'd up choices. Can he make up for that? That is what he is dealing with. Look at BG. Her H's email says it all or he is a really good liar and i haven't decided which yet. Sometimes the mess that is made seems impossible to correct.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Yes, and I know that he knows he is an idiot. I don't know that I can compare myself to her, cause I don't even know 1 thing about her. LOL. Other than her looks, no makeup and such and that she has kids. That I won't change I will always be a make up wearer and a hair dooer! I am not going to produce any small children either!! Not my thing, wasn't H's thing either. LOL. I think you mean that I will be surprised if he spends time with me on the weekend since she is off. I know I am not in competition with her. He will either get over what has happened and he has done or he won't.
morning girlie. huge flakes falling right now. not sticking tho. ok what is this movie ya'll are talking about, i couldnt find where it was mentioned. you are doing good, it doesnt feel like it but you are, and it hurts, bad, BUT make him do this now, so its not a almost 3 year deal, they suck lol. hmmmm K is handing out 2x4's today, I better watch out. we do have one thing that is so important, we have eachother, and its crappy for us all right now, but we together, will make it thru our hard times.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
