Aussie Girl - Patience might finally be paying off

[One Day]

(((((Future Girl))))

I'm so pleased to see you! I think about you all the time too! I'm OK- thinking and waiting. CEO keeps giving me butterflies, which is really not good. He has such a manly chest and I keep wanting to touch his hair. Awful!

I constantly debate whether H and I should be having deeper conversations, but my gut instinct says that I need to follow his lead, and not push to have a R conversation that he's not ready for.

I was just wondering, have there been any R talks at all since the big one in August where he said he missed you? I completely understand not wanting to have R talks, but I just wonder whether H is confused or expecting you to bring up R talks and is therefore waiting for you to make a move? (I seem to remember you saying once that initiating R talks was something you used to do, but maybe I'm imagining it, or thinking of myself!)

How do I know if its because my expectations are too high, or if it simply is that he's not that into me and therefore not making an effort???

I think he IS into you, but he's scared you're not into him. Kalni's H said that he's ask her out more, or to go away for weekends but he's scared she doesn't want to go. Could your H be suffering from the same thing? One problem I have with the B*tch book is that it doesn't encourage you to encourage men, but just to back off. CEO was telling that he needs some encouragement to approach a woman usually (and he's like a walking testosterone lollipop), so I wonder if men need a bit more encouragement before they can really pursue. Women control the pace of a relationship usually- men are so fragile in their egos and scared of getting hurt (which is so annoying considering that our H's walked away and hurt us like they did).

Inegrity - you know its doing the right thing even when its the hard choice. I'd like to see H be honest. I'd like him to do things that would make it safer for me to trust him. I'd like him to follow through on his promises. Its not that he's not doing it now, our interactions are so limited - but he hasnt in the past.

Do you think it would be worth telling H what you need from him? I think an important part of piecing is to state your boundaries and needs so the other party can work towards addressing them. You'll feel like you're doing most of the work by having to explain things to him, but because he's lost he needs some kind of map to find his way back into your heart....

How do I get him to come runnning into my arms without having to file??

Ummm...... I don't think you need to file, but I do think you might need to change your expectations. You guys have a lot of history together, and I don't know of many piecing stories where the WAS has come running back, guns blazing and full of romantic genstures as you might have in a new R. It's a slow burn with both parties being scared and tentative. Keep looking for baby steps, and be up-front about what you need. Give him a map (I'm laughing at the analogy, but men are SO bad at asking for directions!!)

H rang to see if I was badly affected

That's sweet.....

We had an OK interaction - a bit strained, because it had been so many weeks since we'd seen each other.

Did you leave it for so long to give him a chance to chase you? I know that's what the B*tch book advises, but see above for my reservations on this. It doesn't seem like backing off encourages him to chase, so would it be worth trying something different?

I also gave him boxes of his stuff that I'd packed up.

How did he react to that? did he want his stuff, or was he surprised? I just wonder if giving him his things sends a signal about where you think your current R is heading?

Last night we had our date. Very nice.

YAY!

He hugged me and put his arm around my waist to guide me to the table (scored points for that).

That's so lovely! I love the arm around the waist thing- CEO put his hand on my waist last week and I thought my pants would explode!

I talked lots about all the fun things I've got planned - I'm not sure if this strategy is working, but I dont know what else to do?

Did he talk much during the dinner? Could he join you in what you're doing? One thing I've noticed about my H is that while he's pleased I have a busy and fun life, hearing about it makes him feel as though there's no space in my life for him, so he got scared to ask me to do things because he thought I was always busy. The past few times we've spoken about weekend plans etc I've made sure to say that I had a quiet evening in, or a quiet weekend. I think it might have reassured him a bit because he's asked me out next week. Just a thought....

He kissed me in the car - all the kissing is initiated by him, but I had to make it 'safe' by touching him lovingly on his arm beforehand.

So jealous! I'm not sure I can remember how to kiss any more!

The hardest part is that it seems to only be OK as long as I keep everything light and happy. I guess I'm scared of anything deeper - partly because of my own feelings, and partly cause I dont want to be hurt again.

Have you tried talking to him about anything that's not light and happy? Just wondering if it got bad results, or is an assumption. I think at some point you guys will need to talk about things, although I'm not sure when the right time would be. Maybe once you've drawn a bit closer again... (?)

What are your suggestions to opening him up a bit more?

I think if I was here, I'd want to get him to open up on subjects that are unrelated to the R. How does he feel about his work, other problems he might be experiencing, any worries he has. I'm not sure if he's doing that, but I think if yu could show him you're a good friend and understanding/supportive of his problems it would make an R talk that much easier to have, and he might initiate it himself thinking that you're such an understanding and loving wife that he was crazy to leave and he MUST move back to you as soon as he flipping-well can!

I want to know where he sees the relationship heading.

You're in control- I think you need to decide whether you're willing to commit to ebuilding the R at some point. I know it's hard considering that you'll feel like you're doing all the work, which is why I wonder if it's worth giving H a map and seeing if he can step up a bit more. (I, like the Lovely one, have a soft spot for your H).

Bloody PATIENCE!

LMAO- couldn't have said it better myself. It's like a disease aswell- I notice it creeping into all of my life- wait, be patient, look for baby steps.

How are you otherwise? I hope work is still busy and you're continuing to be your amazingly beautiful Hot Girl self!! And sorry for the mammoth post- T and I might be able to write a book between us!

L. xx