Everything here makes so much sense...in hindsight, every step of the way could have been so much easier if my heart would have been able to let go.
Many lessons I have learned....and have benefited from.. I have learned the mistakes I made in my marriage and how someday...whether it is my hubby or another man...I will not lose focus as to what is important...
I have learned to live for me.... the house will get cleaned and the kids will be fine..(they actually like to have space!)
Dont get me wrong, I will always love my husband..We have been together for 19+ years. But, I am not sure it is enough anymore.
Would that be fair of me? To him or I ? To stay where I dont know if he can really ever make me happy...
He is going so far out of his way to do stuff for me and improve himself..but at this point in time it seems so insincere due to the fact that after 1 year of me not being important NOW he sees it?
8 months out of the house and 4-5 months secretly getting close to her is hard to close my eyes to.... I envision them together.... cohabitating as a family...makes me ill..
But, I am trying to not make any decisions at this point. He is staying on a friends couch. That cant last forever and our finances will dictate what could happen...
If he needs to rent an apartment, we can never pay that rent and a mortgage....
If we have to forclose our house.... there will be no turning back for me...I will be done...
That will be the last string left holding my pride and dignity... I will not forgive him if we also lose our home. I am already behind on alot of my bills and have grown bitter for him putting us into this financial mess during such hard economic times...
Enough of my babbling for now.
Thanks for the kind words. Dont be envious..just because it is different, it is not necessarily better...not yet.
