Does that mean letting go of the hope for reconciliation or is it just a synonym for detaching?
Warning: Amatuer arm-chair Buddhism follows
So, just for the sake of challenging conversation, what would be wrong with giving up hope? I'm not saying don't try anymore and start dating again. But just giving up hope.
One of the Buddhist slogans is indeed: 'Abandon all hope for results'. It's related to the ongoing discussion we've been having about being in the present. In a nutshell, hope is fundamentally a future-oriented thought. It is a distraction to staying in the present.
Here is a few paragraphs from Pema Chodron on the topic: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One of the most powerful teachings of the Buddhist tradition is that as long as you are wishing for things to change, they never will. As long as you're wanting yourself to get better, you won't. As long as you have an orientation toward the future, you can never just relax into what you already have or already are.
One of the deepest habitual patterns that we have is to feel that now is not good enough. We think back to the past a lot, which maybe was better than now, or perhaps worse. We also think ahead quite a bit to the future - which we may fear - always holding out hope that it might be a little bit better than now. Even if now is going really well -there's a deep tendency always to think about how it's going to be later. We don't quite give ourselves full credit for who we are in the present.
Nowadays, people go to a lot of different places trying to find what they're looking for. There are 12 -step programs; someone told me that there is now a 24-step program; someday there will probably be a 108-step program. There are a lot of support groups and different therapies. Many people feel wounded and are looking for something to heal them. To me it seems that at the root of healing, at the root of feeling like a fully adult person, is the premise that you're not going to try to make anything go away, that what you have is worth appreciating. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, yes, when I dropped the rope I did give up hope for reconcilliation. I still kept working at DBing. I still kept up my PMA and GAL. I still give 100% when wife was\is around to be attractive. I'm still going to Retrouvaille next weekend. So I didn't <stop> anything. I just gave up hope and stayed in the present. I think Pema would say that by giving up hope, I actually <gained>.
It's all about how you think about 'giving up hope'.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
