For me, "dropping the rope" means to reinforce the hope of reconciling by detaching. LBS's like you and I have no control over our WAS's and what they will or won't do (e.g. emailing on Thurs. or every 10 days). To obsess over such futility is not only nonsensical and unproductive, it's downright self-destructive.
The only tools we have to save our M are time and patience. I, for one, don't view being "patient" as sitting around the home grinning and bearing the dreadful silence permeating throughout the abode. No no no! I refused to be a victim. I chose to fight instead.
In order to be "patient" and withstand the pain of loneliness and despair, I had to be in the frame of mind that if D was inevitable, then I'm absolutely fine with it. Is this giving up? Is this letting go of hope for reconciliation? Well, it sure smells like it, but I assure you it's not. Basically, I see it as a means of relieving myself of all the pressures that come with D. By doing so, you stop obsessing over your WAS and start concentrating on your own happiness. That's where GAL'ing and socializing helps mend a broken heart. You may think that it takes a long time for someone to break your heart. I think that it takes but a brief moment for a heartbreak to happen...it's the healing that takes so gosh darn long!
But guess what? We're undeniably human, and extraordinary emotional events like this gets processed and filtered through the heart before it reaches the brain. I don't expect you to be a social butterfly overnight, but you have to give yourself the opportunity to at least try. My first meetup/group event felt really forced and disingenuous, but that was all in my head. Over the months, I met some great people that will undoubtedly be lifelong friends. They provided me a fresh start and myriads of new invigorating perspectives. If my W wants to come back to our M, I will share all my PMA and experiences I've cached away. If not, then more loot for this love pirate!
Time for you to draw your own "treasure map", Beth
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
