I screwed up again

[AnotherNightmare]

Beth,

Don't worry! You will get faster! I started with 11 or 12 min-miles, when I was completely out of shape. It is probably just a little bit of talent. As a high school student I ran 3k in under 10 min. Unfortunately, I seem to have a lot less talent when it comes to women and R. My running was, or maybe is part of the problem, at least she felt I put too much work into it compared to the work I put into our R. She is probably right about that. Of course, I never admitted that to her. Giving it up though is not negotiable, it has just become part of life. I know I have to put more time into our R if I want to make it work again, but if she feels she cannot love me because I run too much, then there is truly no hope. I doubt that very much though, because I think her criticizing my running (and everything else I did) was just an encrypted message for saying "I do not feel loved anymore".

I will keep your advice in mind and not expect a positive comment from her. Actually, looking back the last few years, it would already be positive if there was no negative comment. But to be completely honest, I was silent just as often. So one of the things I want to change is saying more positive things about what she does. I need to be careful not to get into R talk that way, but I want to let her know that I appreciate everything she is doing, even now after she has declared she wants a divorce.

I am pretty sure your H is not that far away from realizing that feeling miserable is a bad thing, and feeling miserable alone is even worse. He is probably not quite ready yet to admit that he was wrong (I know because I am a man and it is the hardest thing to say for us). You have done everything you can for yourself to become a better person. He might have recognized that already, but he now needs to admit that to himself and to you. That will take some time. I think women are a lot faster with that.

BTW, I ordered the informational material from Retrouvaille. I had read about it in a couple of threads here, not sure if in yours. I wonder what would be a good time to present it to my W and ask her if she would consider it.

Thank you for stopping by this afternoon. It is always a pleasure talking to you, Beth.

AN