Well...I made it through yesterday okay...cried a bit in the morning, but then just kept busy until I went to my friends house for an "all-pie" Thanksgiving dinner - which was pretty amazing...
This morning my seemed determined to be difficult about getting our baby to me for the day - at first she asked that I meet her near a friend of her's house - then insisted that I go to all the way to her friends house to pick up our baby...on the way - she called me - and I mentioned to her that I thought it would be best for us to arrange to have someone else present when either of us picks up the baby from the other - my suggestion made her ballistic - and she accused me of trying to escalate things - and then said that I was trying to bully her - which she said, "is what you always do when you don't get what you want." She followed that up by saying that, "given your mental state, I don't think you ever put our son first." Adding, "I've known you for ten years and so I know how you are."
So...even though she's the one that says she feels threatened by me - she doesn't want someone there to watch over our exchanges...which makes no sense...but nothing she says or does makes sense...before hanging up on me she told me that she had already talked with someone about being there for our exchanges -and that's who she was going to contact on Monday...and I probably should have said nothing at that point...but instead I commented that I wanted to talk with people that have our son's interest in mind, not people that believe her fiction of being an abused woman. She got very quiet when I said that - and I wish I hadn't let those words slip out that way...but I cannot continue to validate her distorted belief that I am abusive...eve if it's just for me to know it...
I really just wish I didn't have to see her at all anymore. Texting/emailing about our son is fine - but I just don't want to see her anymore....she made one quick comment about how I claim love her but then wouldn't listen when she was trying to talk with me about our son - of course, her idea of talking with me about our son was insulting me and accusing me of not caring about him...
If I don't talk with her, she finds a way to use that against me, if I do talk with her, she attacks me and then blames me for not buying into her cruel accusation...she now insists that I was coming at her and threatening her when I tried to apologize to her the other night...but I think she knows that is bs - since if it were true I think she would want another person there for our exchanges - someone to protect her...of course, if no one is there, she can continue to use that threat of calling the police...which I think is what she wants - the right to that threat...and so I'm glad that I called her on her bluff - and I wasn't all that surprised to find that it frustrated her to have me suggest having someone else present - she wants control - she wants to continue being abusive - and while I know it has nothing to do with me - and that I should remind myself that it's the disease in her mind that makes her say the things she does...I nevertheless have to protect myself from her false accusations.
Now it's tie to get started with our one-day-delayed Thanksgiving dinner...should be fun.
